Of Daffodil, Tiger Lily, Iris, and Lotus
by NavynBabyBlueSuedeShoes
Summary: Another member means another dull ff. SO not true! Find out how one newbie could eventually twist the lives of our heroes into a knot of matrimony and malevolence! StarRob, RaeBB w the return of Terra! R&R and PLEASE PLAY NICELY! Chp. 12 up!
1. London Bridge is Falling Down

A saga of how the Titans learn to accept and fight side by side with their latest recruits through some of their toughest challenges. Lighthearted sweet-hearting mentioned as well.

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter One: London Bridge is Falling Down

The whole scene had unfolded before the stranger's keen eyes early in the dewy morning… 

A few thugs armed with magnums stole away behind the Dumpster at the rear of the Graeco-Roman edifice. The bank was located all on its own block, surrounded by four major streets. There were no caliginous alleys where thieves could connive. And definitely no liquor stores or bars that attracted miscreants like flies. The white marble "safe" stood palatial in the open, so, disappointingly, no ambuscades here. 

But one clear evening, a trio of thugs attempted to pull off a little pilfering. 

In the dead of night, they hustled to their destination, the runt of the group shoving to the front and rushing over to the janitor's exit by the Dumpster. He whipped out a gadget that looked like a complex hybrid of a Swiss-Army knife and a toolbox, stuck the contraption into the feeble lock, and toyed with the mechanism…his attempt at breaking in was futile. 

"Crud! This trashy lock isn't opening!" 

"Move your stupid piece of junk out of my face so I can work, you little creep!" This was a rather harsh, preppy, female's voice. Without waiting for a response, a hand shot out and shoved the boy aside. A streak of lavender energy streamed from her gloved finger, and a tinny "Click!" was heard. 

"Show off!" yelled the midget. 

"Shut-up you little nerd, or security's going to bust us!" 

The colossal robber spoke up, "I could've broken the door down ya know…" Clueless as to the stupidity of this remark, he scratched his head. They filed inside, stopping short of a laser-labyrinth. 

The "Nerd" activated a few buttons on a small black box, punched in the bank's security code, and placed the device on the floor. Instantly, the lasers dimmed, then flashed, and finally dissolved completely. 

"There, that disabled all the alarms, including the sound activated sensors and pressure-pads surrounding the main safe. My lil' sweetums just sent out the radio waves that cancelled out the activation modes on these babies!" He grinned smugly and strutted across the hallway. 

"What an idiot!" the girl complained.

"Excuse me Miss Crudface? Who's the idiot?"

"Yeah, ya twerp, you heard what I said! I-di-ot!" They bickered back and forth, until a strident explosion wrenched them back to reality. 

Their ears were still ringing from—ONE OF ROBIN'S SOLAR DISCS?!!?

"Crud! What are _they_ doing here?"

The female sighed and the mound of muscle flexed his biceps. "Oh, great! Here come our friends the Titans, just _looking_ to get their butts kicked!" the black-clad female whipped off her disguise, revealing…JINX!!! And, her accomplices were none other than the notorious Mammoth and Gizmo. They aimed their weapons at the heroes, and…

"Oh! Robin! They are happy to see us! What a surprise! They are using peace-making tactics by dubbing us friends!" Starfire was floating in the air in front of Robin, her hands clasped, and a blithe look on her face.

"Starfire, they are not here to make peace, they are here to commit a crime." Raven said, partially clearing up matters. 

"Yeah, Jinx was only being sarcastic, just like our _FRIEND_," Beast Boy put extra innocent emphasis on this word, "Raven is sometimes." 

At this Raven levitated a roll of duct tape from Mammoth's belt and used her powers to swiftly smack a piece over Beast Boy's abnormally large mouth, intending not to leave very much space for his nostrils. 

Jinx just shrugged, and instead of using her magnum, surprised everyone by dropping the weapon, and clapping her hands, sending a wave of violet magic straight at the group, making them fly off their feet and land on their bottoms. 

"TITANS! GO!!!" Robin flashed his retractable BO staff and twirled it, then flung it like a boomerang aimed straight for Gizmo. He recoiled but was slammed against the wall. 

Mammoth walloped the waxed marble floor and watched, satisfied as it split in two, while the Titans had to dodge the flying wreckage. Unfortunately for the crooks, the debris also crushed the forlorn magnums strewn on the floor. 

"Crud! You klutz! We could've used them on the cops, instead of wasting our powers!" Gizmo started to frantically retrieve the fragments of his precious magnums.

Cyborg stepped in, activated his Sonic Cannon Arm, and shot a stream of blue-tinged infrared (A.N. Yeah, yeah, I know infrared rays are supposed to be red, but what the heck.) rays straight at Jinx. She countered them with a powerful string of purple bombs of magic…And, yes, the reaction sent both teams through the previously blown-up walls and into the streets. 

The morning air was uncannily refreshing. Starfire "Oooed" and "Aaahed" all through a mellow sunrise, but the entrancing pastels of light were barely enough to keep her from participating in the brawl. She held her arms above her head and created a ball of neon energy, spreading her arms and forming a circle, she aimed it for Mammoth and let a rip. 

It sped faster than the lubber could run, and collided with his massive form, which also slammed into the unwary Jinx and Gizmo, who happened to be standing right in front of the Panther-version Beast Boy and Robin. —In other words the force of Starfire's emerald lightning sent them soaring towards the crowded overpass and then to the foot of the bridge, a memorial dedicated to the Teen Titans' endeavors to protect the city. _"How ironic it would be if we lost to these losers here."_ Raven mused. She summoned three abandoned cars—an SUV, some celebrity's Rolls Royce, and a Mazda RX-7—as her projectiles and hurled them at the unsuspecting villains. Each flew in different directions. Raven brushed off her hands while the guys bound the villains up. 

Starfire resumed her staring at the sunburst in the sky. "Friends, why does the sky possess the colors of the strange liquid pooking?" 

"It's because Beast Boy fed it an extra helping of his tofu surprise, Star." Whispered Cyborg. "And it's puking, not pooking." And then, something terrible happened…

*******

Raven was the one to feel it first. It was only a tremor, a low moan erupting from the ground, but then the trembling grew to such a magnitude that the whole construction site seemed to be on the verge of plunging. Morning traffic was at its worst and the few cars and bystanders on the bridge were either in shock, or were in a frenzy, panicking for their lives. 

The eerie glowing encasing Raven evanesced, and the girl silently descended as she analyzed the situation.

"The bridge!" Beast Boy shouted, springing back from the side of the neoteric monument.

Raven's eyes narrowed forebodingly, "It's collapsing." Her dead pan voice seemed to be predicting the Titans' doom. 

Robin shivered. Tentatively, he glanced back and forth between the villains and his friends, wondering whether not to let them escape or call the attack off. 

"Forget about these guys, Robin!" Cyborg's voice was barely audible over the rumble and splash of falling rubble from the viaduct. 

"Yes! Let us retreat, friend Robin! We shall give these thieves a severe posterior-flogging when we return!" Starfire flew over to him and tugged his arm, a slight hint of anxiety in her fiery verdant eyes. 

"Guys! Come on! I seriously don't think that we need to debate this!" Even as he spoke, tiny, but visible cracks started to branch out from the center of the bridge and rapidly crawl toward Beast Boy's feet…

*******

About 60 yards away, perched perfectly upon the edge of a pier, stood a shadowed figure, the person's identity arcane, it had been following the course of the larceny at the Jump City Bank downtown. _Those inferior idiots…never could manage to do their jobs properly. I suppose H.I.V.E. members aren't exactly the best of the best after all… _"London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down." A sober, desolate, yet mysteriously childish voice droned from the fog that shrouded the pier. The figure stressed the words, and with each syllable, lifted and dropped its hands, a strange glow emanating from its gloved digits…

*******

Raven began to sense another presence's sinister control as the bridge became possessed and started to wave violently up and down, like a carpet being shaken of dust. Spellbound by the motions of the bridge, no one ran. Everyone had been sucked into the trance. 

But the water loomed cold and dark below; its depth was over 213 ft. at its shallowest point. The shores were far off, little slivers of earthen ribbon lining the horizon. Well, they had established the threat of drowning…

Hitting the smooth, flat, surface at very high speeds would create an impact equal to that of smacking into concrete. Wow. Talk about your bellyflops…But the liability of perishing was even greater than drowning _or_ hitting the water at break-neck speed. 

It was mid-winter, and the water was barely 33 degrees, cold enough to put a small person into cardiac arrest. Raven knew their best-case scenario was to contract hypothermia, and _that_ was _only_ their best chance. She went rigid and tried to calm her nerves. 

*******

The small, childish voice was continuing its song, getting closer to the end… "Lonnndon Bridge is falllllling down—"

*******

Robin tried to yell for his comrades to bolt, but his voice was rasping against the back of his throat and the sound would not escape. _What about Starfire?_ He looked longingly at the Tamaranian foreigner. Her eyes were dimming in fear. He could sense her hand rest lightly upon his cold skin, but could not feel her warmth. He was numb all over. _I have to warn her. Tell her to go!_ But all that came out from his grinding larynx was a pained moan. 

*******

"—falllling down—"

*******

Beast Boy was groping for an answer inside his insecure mind. _There had to be a reasonable explanation for this! Dude, since when do you look for reasonable explanations? Dude! Since when do bridges move!?! DUDE! Is THIS how the chicken died while trying to cross the road? Wait, this is a bridge! Whoa, what am I thinking? Okay, Beast Boy, don't go all corny, especially not around Miss Moody here._ He glanced at a solemn Raven and they met eyes for a moment. But her gaze burned with a cold fire, and Beast Boy looked away, embarrassed. _Yo, what is her deal, man? We're all about to die, and she gives me the death glare?_

*******

"—falllling down—"

*******

Starfire was extremely anxious about the situation. _Do Earth bridges usually behave in this manner? It moves like it is participating in a hopping hip performance. And poor Robin! He is unable to communicate with us! Perhaps he needs medical attention! Oh! Everyone else seems immobile as well! Once we return home, I will administer some Tamaranian vocal serum in the flavor of the Gordanian Cappatleglor fruit!_ She turned to Robin with a sensitive, reassuring look. 

*******

"—myyy—"

*******

Cyborg groaned. His emotional readings chip was malfunctioning. Thoughts swarmed in his head: Depressed, Cheery, Hyperactive, Angry, Surprised, and a whole lot of others that he DIDN'T want spoken out loud. _We're all gonna die…No one cares about me, that's why I'm dying…Oh well! S'all cool! I still have the high score on Resident Evil…Yo! Must have authentic steak! Must have authentic steak! With Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, and MORE sugar!…Damn! But Beast still has the high score on Luigi's Mansion, that tofu-obsessed monkey! *Gasp* What the fuck is up with the bridge?! Whoa, that broad over there is ssssmokin'!_ Mostly, he just concentrated on keeping his android feet anchored to the ground and his over-reactive hormones under control.

*******

"—Fairrr Lay-dy…"

And the bridge came tumbling d

o

w

n…

*******

As the innocent citizens of Jump City are about to plummet, one of them springs over the edge and dives into the rippling waters below, seemingly unaffected by the cold, the impact, or the pressure, swiftly doing backstrokes until this unknown person has a view of the catastrophe. 

Then the bridge seems to melt away, the masonry crumbling like a soggy coffeecake, and everyone tumbles. Starfire dives for Robin as do Raven and Beast Boy attempt to retrieve Cyborg. But the descending slabs of concrete are a lot harder than their heads… 

The waterproof stranger takes a deep breath, lifts a dripping hand and aims it at the waters below the falling people, mumbles a few subtle words, and watches as the sea level drops, and the soft sand beds at the bottom rise to meet the victims halfway. There are several cushioned landings on the wisely placed alluvium, and spurts of water fire away remaining debris that continue to collapse from the structure. 

Dumbfounded, Beast Boys turns to an equally astonished Raven and asks, "Did you do that?" 

******

On the banks opposite the bridge, a fallen form struggles to drag itself upon the shore, haggardly limping up to Titans' Tower. The frail figure gives a final gasping shudder and collapses on the doorstep. 

*******

At the pier the first figure sits down on the edge, letting its toes drift and ripple the water. Suddenly, it raises two menacing eyes to the sky and breaks into a devilish cackle…

*******

A.N.: Hey guys! Hope that you enjoyed it so far! It might seem a little bit dull at the beginning, but trust me, it gets better! This is my very FIRST fanfiction ever, and I am begging all you experienced authors out there NOT to give me nasty wasty fwamies…*sniff* Anyhow, if you enjoyed my style, I would be obliged to reply to any reviews. 

This first chapter might seem a tad bit confusing, but I'd like to clarify something before you read on. A few people were confused about the mysterious figure. 

Well, the beginning sentence sez that one stranger saw the whole scene happen. This is that weird person singing London Bridge on the pier 60 km away and is complaining about the ineffectiveness of the H.I.V.E. 

The second figure who was already on the bridge and saved the people involved was a totally different character. I hope that makes more sense. 

The title's application to this fanfiction will be explained in later chapters. More updates will be coming soon to a theatre near you! Stay tuned for more flicks produced exclusively by moi!

Peace out ppl.

God Bless America!!!


	2. Wierd Discoveries: Not Only Feelings

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Two: Weird Discoveries: Not Only Feelings

"That was weird." Robin had regrouped the Titans, and they were heading back to the Tower to change, and then return on a search for the H.I.V.E.

"You want weird, man, check out Cy!" Beast Boy gestured to his mentally challenged metallic friend. Cyborg was out of control, rolling his head and moving his arms and legs in a flipped-out fashion. 

"Man, I think all that falling and water rusted his brain, or something." 

"At least no innocent standing bies were injured." Starfire commented, squeezing out her stream of fiery red hair. 

Robin smiled, "You mean by-standers. I agree with Star: We were lucky that someone else finished the job for us. But those three clowns got away!"

"I know! I had Gizmo right in my sights, too!" Beast Boy pounded his fist on his open palm, and gritted his teeth. 

Robin glanced back in the direction of the wreckage. "I hope JCPD contacted the Construction Company about all that mess…People are going to have to take Route 801 around the back way if they don't rebuild it. The Lt.'ll want us to fill out a form, too. He's always keeping records of what we do…" 

(A.N.: It's a little obvious-JCPD: Jump City Police Department.)

"I could not tell how many people sporting powers were involved in the incident. There was too much commotion." Starfire was deep in thought. Her sharp, round, fiery green eyes rarely missed a movement. 

Raven raised a slender hand to brush away a dark strand from her mild, cold face, "Whoever it was, we know they weren't members of the H.I.V.E. Those three were bound tight, and I know they don't possess powers anywhere NEAR that potent." 

She was silent for a moment in reflection. "Robin, I think that whoever _was_ responsible for that bridge attack _might have_ been in contact with Slade." 

Robin's brow was furrowed in a sudden fit of fury. A low growl started at the bottom of his throat. 

Undaunted, by his show of emotions, Raven continued, "While we were still standing on the bridge, one of those cracks ran under my foot. I could feel _his_ presence manipulating the attacks somehow. We need to be vigilant and monitor any unusual behavior going on around town." 

"Such as Goth girls refusing to stop meditating behind locked doors?" After fiddling with the controls in his back, Beast Boy had managed to restore Cyborg to his normal, joking self.

"Can it, before I reprogram your software."

The Titans stopped short at the step of their home: Gathered at the entrance was a puddle, and the door was swinging wide open, the lock having been cleverly picked with a hairpin, unlike Gizmo and his unsuccessful device. Raven daintily hovered over the seawater and landed lightly on the lobby floor

She turned to the others. "There's a trail of footprints." Her voice was grave. Robin looked like he was going to pop a vein. 

"Yo, Rob, cheer up. At least we know these don't belong to _him_. Look how tiny they are!" Cyborg was a little over exaggerating, but they were indeed, small. 

"Looks like a size 5 ½, female." Beast Boy said knowingly. 

"I did not know Beast Boy was a peach cobbler." Starfire said. (A.N.: WARNING: Corny sense of humor spread throughout story!) 

"Not the dessert, Starfire. A shoe cobbler…And he isn't one." Raven corrected. 

"Oh! I apologize. But I do not understand? How was anyone able to evade our security system?"

Cyborg shook his head, disappointed in his gadgets. "I dunno, but we definitely need to search this place…"

"Be on your guard, you never know Slade these days…" Robin had an ominous look about his eyes, basically scaring the living hell out of everyone. 

Beast Boy morphed into a bloodhound and sniffed around the kitchen. Possibly to check that his tofu had not been tampered with by certain robot omnivores. The trail led to the bathroom and after ramming the door down in the form of a bighorn sheep, the fuzzy Changeling reported no villains, just several puddles by the sink and shower. The window, however, was open. 

Robin suggested they split up to search the Tower. He and Starfire took to the Roof and Upper floors, while Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy went to the basement, living room, and kitchen.

Up on the roof, Robin was rapidly moving aside various storage crates while Starfire was peeking around corners, starbolts blazing in hand. Her friend's uncanny energy was being restored by vehement memories of the past. She could see tiny beads of sweat condensing on his forehead. "Robin, if we do not find Slade, you will not depart on an insane fowl chase, will you?" 

"Of course not, Star. I won't do that again." He paused, suddenly dropping his preoccupations thinking. "Why? You're not worried about me, are you?"

Starfire gently floated around a corner and came face-to-face with the Boy Wonder. Her nose was inches away from his. Robin stared into the depths of her eyes. She flushed a brilliant crimson and said in a bashful voice, "I am afraid that this time, I—_we_ might lose you for good. I do not want you for an enemy, Robin. I desire your presence the team. We often require your leadership and guidance—_I_ often need your guidance." 

Robin took Starfire's hand in his own, looked at her straight and made a silent promise in his heart that _nothing_, no matter how important, would drive him away from the Titans—away from Starfire. 

*******

In the living room, Cyborg insisted on testing all the games to see if they had been tampered with, much to Raven's disgust. 

Beast Boy was also doing a little testing of his own—taste testing. The food in the fridge looked discolored, he had phonily claimed. Morphing into a vulture, he devoured the rotten food, his iron stomach not at all minding the bacteria. Raven whirled around and left the room, and stood at the top of a gloomy passageway. She felt a shiver run through her as she gazed at the seemingly never-ending darkness below.

"Scared?" *Belch* Raven was a fraction of an inch from jumping. She turned to Beast Boy and scowled. 

"Uh, didn't think so." He tried to slink away, but Raven grabbed the back of his shirt and hauled him with her. 

"Where do you think _you're_ going?" She bared her teeth in his face. He grinned and marched down the long flight of stairs to the basement. 

__

Wonder why she wants me down here? What if she's brought me to confess something? What if she really likes me? After all, I guess I am a pretty attractive guy. Who could resist such a—

"Don't even think it Beast Boy. I can hear your brain slowly ticking away, and it's impairing my powers with a headache just imagining the labor your tiny mind must be going through right now." 

"Hehe, my bad Rae. So, what do you think we're looking for?" Beast Boy scratched his head nervously, hastily trying to change the subject.

"Not what, _who_." Raven's voice was staid as she turned a corner and the dim light filtering down from the floors above receded. They were enshrouded in total darkness. 

Beast Boy fiddled, "Um, Rae, could we shed some light on the situation here?" _Or maybe not! She's right next to me, I just fling an arm around her and—_

Raven pulled a previously stored flashlight from under her cloak and turned it on. "Don't worry Beast Boy, I'm sure there are no monsters down here that are scarier than you." 

"Ha ha ha, Very funny. You know, if I'm not mistaken, I'd say that all that meditating has turned your brain inside out! You don't even recognize a joke _or_ a hunky guy when you see one!" She was always brushing him away, like he didn't matter.

"You give a new meaning to the word, 'hunk'." The light cast shadows on her face that made her look menacing. "More like, 'Hunk of Tofu-Based Idiot.'"

Beast Boy was starting to get ticked off. "Why is it that _every_ time I try to make you laugh, I always get a smart remark in return?" He was flailing his arms wildly, and—Smack! He had thwacked Raven in the face. 

The flashlight had been flung from her hands and was rolling down another corridor. 

"Nice going Beast Boy." 

"He he. Oopsie?" He was only thankful that her glaring eyes wasn't visible in the dark. 

"You are such an idiot! I swear, I work with a bunch of idiots!" Beast Boy could almost feel her eyes rolling furiously. He was always getting in her way, the insecure little tofu monster. She started to stalk towards the direction the flashlight had rolled, inside a maze of winding pipes, but Beast Boy grabbed her wrist and hauled her back.

"Yeah, like I'm going to fall for that one, Miss Moody! Leave me all alone in the dark, while you cruise around playing pranks on me. We're heading back, NOW!" He started to tug her by the cape towards the exit.

"Lay off, Beast Boy." She brushed him off and was about to retrieve their only source of illumination when—

"Where did it roll to?"

"Raven, I am NOT going on a wild goose chase for a stupid flashlight. I bet there's not even anyone here. *Yawn!* Robin's probably just over reacting again." 

"No, I can sense them in this building. They'll ambush us if we're not careful." 

*******

Back in the living room, the whole crew had assembled. And, no one having found anything, they decided to check the last place: Their Rooms. Everyone gathered in the hallway and placed a hand on their doors. At the count of three, all five Titans whipped open the entrances…And still nothing. 

"We should contact the Lt. He'll want to know that we've got an intruder. After all, how is it that all this is going to happen in ONE day? Busted Bridge and an Intruder? I mean, there's _gotta_ be a connection here." Cyborg tried to reason with everyone. 

"Yeah, we haven't spoken with him ever since Beast Boy almost got busted from sticking a tofu donut in his coffee."

"Hey! They use _EGGS_ in donuts, ya know!" Beast Boy protested indignantly.

"I do not look forward to speaking with Lieutenant Dickhed again. He was not very nice to us when last we saw him." 

"Like, DUH! The guy's a _CARNIVORE_!"

"He only hates us because we always apprehend the criminals before him. The people depend on us more than they do the very ones who were hired to protect them." Raven said, flipping through the phone book for the station number. _This is ridiculous. Why not have the Lt. on speed-dial? Even Slade is sensible enough to put us on his list…_

"I don't think that we should tell him…"

"What? Why not?"

"The guy's just going to send the whole Police Force down here to watch us like a pack of wolves. He'll keep the Tower under siege, or something. All just to show the people of Jump City that the Police Dpt. knows how to stop crime better than the Titans, who wouldn't know a criminal even if they were hidden in their own Tower." 

"Robin, that doesn't matter. This phantom can break into our own home. The Lt. needs to know." Raven said.

"I think that the Titans can handle this one without any interference from the JCPD. Nothing's been stolen, no damage done to our property, no files missing, no injuries, no homicidal maniacs. Trust me, guys, there's nothing we can't handle."

"But Robin, we did not yet verify if the villain is residing in the last of the sleeping quarters upstairs!" 

"Dude, Star, that room is sealed tight. Not even a hairpin can manage that lock. You have to type in the code, place your fingerprints on the pad, and take a retina scan."

"How do we even know that this phantom person is the same as the villain controlling the bridge? It could be the H.I.V.E. out for revenge." Raven slammed the phone book closed, now convinced that the Lt. would never find out about their little phantom. 

"Raven's right, this could be a whole new criminal. _ANYWAY_, there's no way that we'll be able to find out until I finish beating Beast Boy's sorry butt in Commandos!" 

"Yeah, not in your warranty expiration date, Cyborg!" Beast Boy sprang onto the couch and started getting his sorry butt beaten. 

Robin only shrugged and sat down with Starfire to watch, while Raven washed the ink from the Yellow Pages off of her hands.

*******

"Man, I'm bushed. I need a recharge!" Cyborg strode into his room and plugged himself into the wall. (A.N.: Now, that _doesn't_ sound right...) 

Even energetic Starfire wanted a little nap. Robin relented and agreed. Of course, who wouldn't feel like getting a coupla hours after a battle like that? They would have to put the search for the H.I.V.E. off for a little while. Battling all through the night and into the morning…The "Bridge Buster" person's secret would have to be unveiled later in the afternoon, too. For the first time that day, there was peace in Titans Tower. 

But no one heard the odd noises coming from the room at the end of the hall. 

Not even Raven…

*******

A.N.: O_O Oooohhh!!! So now the Titans have an intruder that they can't find…Isn't this just freaky?! Yeah, some of the flirting scenes might not be the best, but I want to save the good stuff for later. 

And look, people, I've only gotten, like, two people reviewing me, and I see, what? Other fanfics where everyone has about FORTY reviews, and I'm writing my heart out here!!! HE-_LOOOOO_???!!! Whatever happened to the kind people in the world? Only her royal winged pigginess and the felinish female dare to review me?! I DEFY you to review me!!! HA! No, I DARE you to review me!!! No, wait, I DOUBLE DOG DELUXE _TOFU_ DARE YOU!!! THERE! *pant* 

Okay, well, is this intruder the one who was singing London Bridge? No, people, remember the person who was swimming in the water limped up to the Tower and collapsed. "So was it this stranger?" you say. Well, I didn't say that it was, technically, but you'll find out. And Cyborg and Beast Boy need to get their lazy butts away from those video games and take things seriously, right? Well…

And we've gotten a chance to meet Lieutenant Dickhed! Geez, what kind of a fucking name is THAT for a Lt.? And why does it seem like he's in charge here? Yeah, Lt. Dickhed is a real pain-in-the-ass to the Titans, I can tell u that! But I can't say more until I get reviews! Sike, people, I'll write, I just need opinionz on this one. Nothing harsh, since it's my first!!! Oh, and flyingpiggies, luv Mirror Mirror!!! Get ur buddies to review me!!! 

Read ON!!!

Peace out ppl. 


	3. Intruder Alert!

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Three: Intruder Alert!

Beast Boy yawned. He had a sock clenched tightly in his hand. _Must've been the models and photographs dream again._ He threw the sock on top of his TV, and slumped out of bed. He needed to empty some of that "Tofu Surprise" from his system. 

Going into the hallway, he met with a shock. 

Walking out of the old room at the end, a girl with shoulder-length dark brown hair groggily slumped towards the bathroom and placed her hand on the keypad by the door. Before he could take action, Beast Boy noted several things-

One: she was so pale, she looked like the walking dead, with dark circles surrounding her snapping umber eyes.

Two: She was short with a small frame, but had slender, adept hands. 

Three: His gaze fell to the floor and there he saw: Two feet perfect for size 5 ½ shoes!

"Uh-oh." Beast Boy stood, staring at the trespasser. 

The girl returned his gaze, nonplussed and uncertain as to whether she should bolt, negotiate, or just knock him out. 

"Hey Beast Boy, what's with the hopping up and down, tofu fina-What the—!?" Cyborg had come out from his room, refreshed from a recharge had turned to the girl with a bewildered look on his face. But it soon vanished, and he started up his cannon. 

__

And Raven thought this kid might try to ambush us…More like she's trying to ambush the toilet…Beast Boy morphed into a Bighorn again and started charging, with Cyborg hot on his heels-er-hoofs. 

She searched frantically for an escape; the only way was "her own" room. So she bolted, trying to sprint, but making no avails. Pumping her arms madly and whipping down the hall, she felt Beast Boy's steamy breath emanating from his nostrils right at her ankles, and suddenly, her legs become entangled in his horns. She was flung across the corridor and landed in a heap at the threshold of her room. 

Cyborg clanked over and aimed his cannon straight at her. Leaping away, she rolled onto her bed just as the blinding light drove a sizzling black hole through the wall. 

"What the heck's going on in—here?!" Robin looked as surprised as Starfire. 

The girl had flung herself out the door and down the stairs to the living room—and the exit. Robin was in close pursuit, and flung his elastic, titanium-reinforced ropes at her. Tripping, she fell to her knees, still struggling to get away. 

But now it was Starfire's time to play with the little intruder. Fearing for Robin's sanity and assuming that this girl worked for Slade, she let loose an awfully large blast of solar power. 

The girl was tossed brutally over to the kitchen, where Star had left a butcher's knife out from breakfast earlier that day. 

The mysterious teen used it to hack off the latch that closed the wires and threw a few fastballs at the Titans—literally. Out of nowhere materialized a sphere of sand and one of water, both being thrown at speeds of what hours of ESPN had taught Robin was close to 95 mph. She sprang behind the kitchen counter and faced Beast Boy who was on the other side. 

He glanced at her tentative face, and wondered if she was as insecure as he often felt. "Look, I don't want to hurt you here, so why not just stop trying to pop our heads off and come quietly…er—please?" She leered, and knocked him off his feet. Apparently, she was no pushover…

Remarkable as it sounded, the girl was gaining the upper hand. Now and then using occasional spheres and then launching sprays of each element at the Titans. 

But Cyborg finally managed to knock her to the ground with a heavy blow from his metal arm. 

Laying there, rubbing her sore joints, the girl did not notice the black shadow hovering over her head until a wry voice whispered "Lights out." And that's exactly what happened. 

*******

A.N.: Who is this mysterious girl?! *Gasp!* Oh my gosh, it's the end of the world, we're all gonna die!!! 

Anywhos, if you don't know who was the last person to speak at the end of this chapter, use the context clues, and your brain to figure it out. 

And why the hell is this kid in their Tower? And why does she look like a tiny version of a vampire? Any relation to Raven? No. There is no relation to Raven here whatsoever. 

I just hope that I get more reviews, as always, and I'll probably change my summary to attract more attention. It does seem a pretty boring thing, sitting up there amongst all the lewdness, mystery, and death! Oh, and if any guys have been reading, I hope that you'll stick with the story, because I'll need u later on in the other chapters—for reasons unknown, of course!!! 

REVIEW!!! I WANT AT LEAST FORTY REVIEWS, TOO, YA KNOW!!!

Peace out ppl. 


	4. Spill it Gurl

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Four: Spill it Gurl

"What should we do? We can't just drop her off by the station. For all we know, she'd break out of JCPD HQ as easily as she got into _here_!" There were voices. 

Voices that seemed to waver and drone and scream and whisper. Voices that made the throbbing in her head pound excruciatingly. _It must've been whatever hit me in the head…Stupid! Of all the places in the world, you just HAD to come here. And wouldn't you know they'd think you were an intruder and knock you out like a common criminal…What a bunch of fucking jack-asses…They have no idea who I am…Ugh, stupid bruises…_

Slowly, painfully, she opened her eyes and glanced at her enemies through a shaded, domed habitat. It reminded her of the tinted windows on her Mom's van. 

"Shut-up, Robin, she's waking up." 

"Uhhh…"

"Who-knocked-me-out?" the girl's voice was threatening, shuddering.

"Well, I dunno if you have a right to know that right now, but—"

"_Who knocked me out_?" It was clear that she was trying to conceal anger. 

"That would be me." A wispy, pallid voice came from the back of the group, and the girl with the frail constitution in the navy blue cape came forth.

"Yeah, she sure did knock you out—with our 521 Gigawatt Advanced Cable, Sonically Enhanced, Solar Powered Model 10-4 Remote!" Cyborg sadly held up what looked like the remainders and shards of a 1,000-lb. piece of machinery. 

__

So THAT's what clobbered me in the head…Goddamned fucking junk…

"I got it when she blew up our old one…and NOW look what happens! Oh, man you are so going to pay for coming in here, I'm gonna rip off your little pyrotechnic hands, and make you dangle from the edge of our roof, and—"

"I'm not a pyrotechnics-wielder, you idiot…"

"—And I'm gonna stuff your little smart-aleck mouth with motor oil and super glue and Beast Boy's rotten tofu and—"

"—O-_kay_, Cyborg, I think she got the message." Robin looked warily at the girl. His gaze sobered as he cleared his throat and asked, "I have only one question for you…Do-you-work-for-Slade?"

"No." Her voice came simple and confidently. 

Robin glared at her, still suspicious. "Raven, you know what to do." He gave Raven the signal to start reading the girl's mind.

She looked at him questioningly. There was hesitation in her eyes. Something about this girl was too delicate to be unveiled. She _seemed_ very independent and defiant. It just didn't seem possible that this little powerhouse of attitude could _be_ under the diabolic influence of Slade. 

Nonetheless, Raven took a deep breath, and started to probe for answers. Her thoughts flashed by like light years, almost like movie clips, and Raven noticed the many curse words and rude mental gestures aimed at the Titans. But no, no trace of ever making contact with the villain. The girl had certainly read about him in newspapers and on TV, but there was nothing legitimate to her search. 

Withdrawing, Raven looked solemnly at Robin and shook her head. He started grinding his teeth. Who was this kid? Why was she here? Where did she come from? What did she want? When did she get in? How did her mysterious appearance relate to the catastrophe on the bridge?

"Excuse me friends, but may I inquire about the christening of this female?" Starfire had remained in an unnatural silence for quite some time.

"Dude, Star, just ask the name, already." Beast Boy was reclining on the sofa, lazily drawing circles in the air, and watching with a smarmy look as Cyborg's head started to blaze and smoke in suppressed fury.

"May I have your name, please?" 

"Marie." She smiled for the first time, casting a little brightness over her rather impish face, and Robin finally had to admit that the girl was indeed, innocent. 

"By the way, dude, what were you doing in the tower in the first place?" Beast Boy asked, sitting up and looking Marie straight in the eye.

"Umm…" She stared at the ground embarrassed, trying to come up with an excuse. 

"You know, we could leave you at the station and tell the cops you should be charged on breaking and entering, trespassing on private property, AND robbery! After all, you used the water from the showers without permission and I can't find my stash of Slim Jims! So just hand them over, and maybe we can work something out betwe—"

"Calm yourself, Cyborg. She can explain. Beast Boy confiscated the Slim Jims last night at McDonald's. He stuck them one by one down Starfire's milkshake straw." 

"So strawberry-covered chocolate surprise was not the unique artificial flavoring I tasted!" 

"Dude, Raven, that was _SO_ not cool!"

"WHAT?! BEAST BOY CHUCKED MY SLIM JIMS?!"

"SHUT- UP!!! _Every_one! Let our little _intruder_ tell her story."

Marie grimaced at the name, "Do I have to?" 

"If you want out of prison, then you spill."

She gave Robin one final wrathful look, sighed, and began her tale…

*******

A.N.: *Sigh*, now we have to put up with another boring story from another boring person who is just another boring villain in the boring life of the overly boring Teen Titans…

Well, if u hate Teen Titans and think that I'm just another rambling idiot, then yes, u can say that the above description fits the next chapter perfectly. 

BUT, if u feel that the Titans are MORE than your average interest, then I suggest that you best be haulin' ass and get yo's selves on ova to the next chapter and REVIEW!!! 

Oh, and if u still weren't sure who said "Lights out." In chapter three, then you should know that it was Raven, if that clears some of the confusion up. 

*Sniff* Oh, man it's Thursday on Easter break…I don't want it to end!!! All these poor people have to go back to work and our damned schools…Ugh…Damn school with extra brimstone and fire on top! Stick it in a hellhole with Saddam Hussein! Worthless piece of shit…

And now we return to more CHEERIER topics!

Cyborg's hatin' on my gurl Marie here… "And just when will all of Robin's questions be answered?" you say. Well, next chapter my friends! Just READ AND **_REVIEW_** YOUR HEARTS OUT!!! Thank you very, very, very much!!!

Peace out ppl. 


	5. Our Latest Recruit

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Five: Our Latest Recruit

"It started when I first got my powers at the beginning of summer vacation. My family had been staying for a few weeks at a cottage in Virginia, not far from a naval base. Turns out, they were doing some illegal, government-unapproved and unsupervised nuclear testing on a remote island not far from where we were. 

"On the last day of break, I decided to go for a quick swim. A storm was whipping up, and I could see a thunderhead in the distance. Being pretty far off from shore, I tried to swim back, but the rip tide picked me up and carried me towards an area littered with rocks jutting out from the water's surface. I must've been knocked out and drifted the whole way to my 'doom'. 

"I remember waking up with my face towards the sky, floating on my back. 

I was dead center in the middle of the perimeter the officers had set up for the bomb testing. 

"Being a novice at swimming, I panicked and attempted to dog-paddle away from the premises. But that got me nowhere, and by the time the bomb was dropped, I dove to the sandbanks and foolishly tried to conceal myself from harm. 

The atoms in my DNA must've had some kind of positive charge, and the next thing I knew I was burning up all over. I was a human oven, a sitting duck. So I swam away before the next bomb was deployed and, miraculously, touched the shores in sheer minutes. My parents were mad at me for being out so long in the storm. But they had no idea what I'd gotten myself into. 

"Things got worse when I went back to school. My new powers would get out of control in the middle of class. One minute, I'd be paying attention to the lesson, next, I'd be surrounded by a mound of sand or in ankle-deep water. Of course, my parents were called in, and everyone thought it was a prank. 

"I got suspended for vandalism to school grounds, and I was grounded for two whole months. Next thing I know, I'm going down in the basement to get the laundry and end up unconscious, floating on my back _again_ in a flooded basement. My parents took me to the doctor's where they ran a few tests and treated blood samples. That's how they found out that I had powers. My family started being more hostile towards me. When I went back to school, everyone though I was a freak. 

"So I ran away a few weeks before today's big incident. I was thinking of heading out west. Joining the Titans never occurred to me. I was right on the overpass, and then the bridge started going haywire. I dove off the side and got a clear view of what was going on. Everyone was in shock. No one was moving. So that's when I went in to——!" Here she stopped short and slapped a hand over her mouth. 

Robin looked at her and suddenly comprehended. "You were the one who saved us, weren't you!?"

Slowly, timidly, she nodded her head. "But I didn't cause those tremors _or_ break the bridge! That was someone else. I can only manipulate the movement of sand and water. It's not that hard if I put my mind to it. But I was wet and sopping and I could barely walk, so when I touched solid ground, I went to the only place that I thought might possibly accept me. And that was your Tower. I'm sorry if I touched anything, but I only picked the lock, took a shower, and unpacked my stupid suitcase. It floated inshore after me. I'm not a villain, and I definitely DO _NOT_ work for Slade, if that's what you're assuming." 

Everyone was considering this girl. She was keen, could think on her toes, had a logical mind, and, most of all, was in favor of justice. 

"Wanna join the Titans?" Beast Boy asked casually. 

"EXCUSE ME?!?!" Marie and the other 4 Titans stared blankly at Beast Boy in awe. 

__

How can he just ask her something like that without everyone else's consent? Robin thought to himself.

But it was the question that had been lingering in everyone's mind for quite some time. There was no doubt that she would make a suitable member. 

Beast Boy looked around, and calmly started up again, "Well, you know, she DID kinda rescue us when we were about to drown and bust open our heads on all that falling metal. I mean, why not let her try? She can be our latest recruit or something."

"I do not think that recruits make forced entries into their employers' habitations, Beast Boy." Starfire said, hands on her hips. "However, I would much enjoy another girl's company!" She looked at Robin, pleading with her eyes. He tried to turn away, but just couldn't resist that gentle face. And so he gave in. 

"Alright, alright, she can stay. But there better not be any trouble. And I want all there is to know about you: Documents, Medications, Education, Licenses to Fight Crime, etc. There's also other things to handle, like filling out forms, passing the admittance test, a uniform, pseudonym, training routines, learning how to operate the Titans' main console equipment, and—" here he looked at his circle of friends, "—getting to know everyone." 

Marie gave a docile grin and looked each one over, memorizing their features. Starfire seemed a little over enthusiastic about it. Marie was still dubious, "So it's official? I'm a real member of the team?!" 

As if in answer, the Tamaranian flew over and started bombarding the newcomer with statements and salutations, "I am Starfire, and these are my friends, Robin, Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Raven! We are very excited to meet you!" She started pumping Marie's hand like they had never seen each other before. 

The girl laughed and stood up, while Starfire rambled on, "We are very grateful for your assistance at the bridge! I would have preferred to give you a tour of our habitation beforehand, but it appears that you have already seen most of it. I apologize for giving you a posterior-flogging earlier, I did not anticipate that you would become our friend. I hope that later on I may see what you have done to embellish your room! As Cyborg says, it must be explosioning!"

"Uh, Star, that's bombin', not explosionin'…"

"Is there anything that you request from us?"

"Well, other than a word in edgewise, I'm kind of hungry. I haven't eaten since the bridge episode."

"Whatever you do, don't touch Beast Boy's tofu crap, it'll give you indigestion, and then you'll have to take the expired Pepsin."

"Um, yeah, thanks for the advice."

"Advice!? He-is-a-CAR-NI-VORE. He eats animals! Wouldn't you rather eat something that benefits animals _and_ the environment?!" 

"He means that all the waste products that are emptied from his system are dumped into our environmentally friendly fertilizer pile outside." Raven said, returning Beast Boy's enraged stare. 

Marie' tried to keep from cracking up. "Yeah, maybe it would be easier if I just get something without the help. I haven't acquainted myself with your fridge just yet." 

"No! Wait! You must try some of my exquisite Pudding of Happiness! It is appropriate for this joyous occasion!" (A.N.: Yeah, I'll just bet it's exquisite…XP)

"Why, Starfire? No one's having a baby, or getting married or anything."

"_Just between you and me, the last time it was Star's turn to cook, we all ended up in bed for a week over some dish she called her 'Pudding of Peace'_" Cyborg muttered in Marie's ear. 

Knowledgeable of culinary disasters, Marie gave her sly reply to Starfire's generous offer, "I'm sure the pudding is wonderful, Starfire, but I wouldn't want you to waste all your precious time cooking for _me_! No, I think that I shouldn't be that much of a burden on my first day as a Titan, so it might be best if I got something myself. Just rest your nerves. I'm sure you're _exhausted_ from fighting all day…"

And with that, Marie hopped up and sped to the fridge. Wrenching open the door, she started searching. Beast Boy had rigged up a trap of slingshots and mouse-traps to his tofu casserole dish to punish any unwary predatorial androids. There was an assortment of comestibles covered in blue mold, and an oddly shaped container bearing what she guessed to be Starfire's swampy pudding. It looked like a baby's regurgitated supper…

Finally, she found a bag of nachos in the far back. _Nachos? In the fridge? Oh well, it's not exactly ambrosia, but at least it's not blue, fuzzy, or a concoction whipped up by Starfire._ She sat down at the counter, across from Raven. 

Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Starfire were gathered around the PS2, Starfire eagerly clapping her hands and yelling cheers in Tamaranian. Robin leaned on the counter and watched them. 

As Marie opened the bag, Raven kept a vigil on her. 

She sniffed the bag, daintily plucking a nacho and looking at it intently. 

She ran her finger along the rim of the bag, then rubbed the residue on the inside of her elbow, then wiped it off on her jeans. 

She took a very tiny bite of the dangerously cheesy chips and waited. 

Raven slammed her fists on the table, causing everyone to start and stare at her. 

"We need to talk." He voice was deadly reposed and her eyes narrowed. 

Ever so slowly, Marie raised her head and met eyes with Raven. Then she got up and followed her out. 

"What was all that about?" Cyborg wondered aloud. 

"Dunno, but I'm going to investigate. Pause the game for a minute, Cy. And no, I'm not going to try to pull something, so don't give me that look." Beast Boy morphed into a green sparrow and flew off. 

*******

A.N.: Okay, this is REALLY the last straw! --_-- I am sitting in front of my computer right now and nothing is happening. I do not see any new reviews. I am an author who is unappreciated. I hate my life as an unappreciated author.

BUT WHO CARES? My point exactly. Which is why I have constructed a DIABOLICAL plot that will drive readers to my doorstep, begging for mercy—and more updates, chocolate, and more updates. Never fear! 'Tis not a bomb or even worse, a virus, if that's what you're thinking. You will see all in good time, my friends! All in good time…

And no, I have no knowledge of atomic fusion or anything, the above description of how she got her powers was entirely made-up. 

And why is Raven so uptight about the newcomer? And why does Marie eat like her food is about to explode? And blah blah blah blah blah blah blah? Blah Blah? BLAH!!!

Yeah, the story sounds like your average, "New Titans Member Person," but TRUST me, I SWEAR that you will be interested sooner or later. 

Peace out ppl. 


	6. Teeny, Weenie, Miney, HoLie, then Shop, ...

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Six: Teeny, Weenie, Miney, Ho-Lie, Shop, and go, go GO!!!

"Why did you lie?" 

"I didn't."

"I know you didn't get your powers from an atomic fusion. It's not possible."

"Oh really? And can you confirm this?" Marie said, testily. 

"Cyborg's parents used to perform experiments to try to restore him. He's described the conditions required to form atomic fusion."

"Yeah, and let me guess, his parents were the ones who designed the batmobile?"

"No. You say you dove and reached the sandbar, but to get atoms to fuse, you must have more pressure than several feet. You would have to be at least a kilo down, which means you would be touching rock hard bottom, and not sand."

"What are you trying to get at here?"

"You got your powers through another process other than atomic fusion. It has to have been food poisoning. I was observing the way you ate our food. You think we fix it, don't you? You don't trust us. Why did you lie?"

"Because acquiring my powers through administration of drugs unto comestibles is not something that I am proud of. You know Veiktra LabCorp., downtown?"

"The creeps who try to genetically enhance human beings? Of course I've heard. The government prevented them from asking for volunteer patients after one of their projects went awol." 

"Well, they're back in running and operating again. Recently, they've been seeking 'accidental' patients from the children of _problem_ employees. My father got into a fight with his superintendent. The freak reported my father, and, the next day, when we were supposed to go to the beach, they got an agent to sneak into the house. He tampered with the food. The next day, I went to get a coke and stepped into the water while I drank it. THAT'S how it really began. Their chemicals are radioactive. So anything that my skin touched, I had control over. They intended to 'collect' and use me as a testing subject. So, I ran. "

Raven looked at her and gave the basics of a grin. "You know, Starfire is still trying to get accustomed to Earth. She doesn't know half the things you do. Only things to do with Tamaranian physics. I still can't believe you knew all that and dropped that mistake about the sandbar and pressure."

"Actually, I was wondering when one of you would pick that up. I can't believe that you know so much about nuclear physics. I never had any friends who were really interested in the things I liked. I read all the time, but my parents would always come in to disturb me."

"That's how it is around here, too."

"No, seriously?!"

"I can never find any peace." 

"You like reading?"

"Yes. Horror and Fiction."

"Me too." And with that, the girls started revealing their personal histories to one another. Each was finding that they were socializing a lot more that day than they had done in years.

On Raven's shoulder, Beast Boy had crawled up and blended into the silken blue fabric as a chameleon. Ever the faithful eavesdropper, he listened intently, as they talked, surprised that the two seemed to be getting along well. And then he made his mistake. He started to nudge at Raven's cloak a little, causing the slightest little abnormal wave, like a mirage. And Marie noticed it. 

Gesturing towards her shoulder, Raven saw the wrinkle, too. Instantly, the invisible outline of Beast Boy became surrounded by darkness, and he was lifted into the air. 

Unable to change back, he squirmed in midair and writhed as Marie blasted him to the wall with a gush of water. 

"You people are sick!" He spluttered while trying to stand up. "Dude, if I go all kitty-cat for Star, my fur's gonna stink up the house!" He stomped off, indignant. 

Starfire flew in at that very moment and saw the puddle and green hairs still smudged on the wall. "Did Beast Boy regurgitate another hair sphere? Oh, well. Come friends! We shall go to the mall of shopping and purchase a suitable uniform for our new comrade!" 

She dragged the two down the stairs and pleaded with Cyborg to drive them to the Jump City MegaMall. At first he refused, and then Marie recalled aloud that they were having a sale today in the technology department for new game sets and hardware. And Cyborg shoved them into the T-Car, almost ignoring the fact that he'd almost busted the paint job in his rush. 

At the mall, Starfire tugged the two along. Raven having the uncanny desire to hurl at the site of so many vivid girly clothes, Marie grumpy from lack of sleep. Starfire was relentless in driving them across the marble floors and around three consecutive levels of shops. 

They swept through Old Navy, Hecht's, Macy's, and Banana Republic before they finally made a last stop at The Gap. 

"Come on, Starfire, can't we do this tomorrow? I'm seriously tired. There's nothing that I see, anyway." 

"That is because your visionary organs are semi-sealed from fatigue! Wait! I have spotted something desirable! Oh! What is this delightful material, friends?" 

"It's called cashmere, Starfire, and there is no way our pockets go that deep." Raven took the scarf from the giddy glowing-eyed girl and pointed to the price tag. Starfire, having finally mastered American currency, gave a little gasp. She glanced around the store for something else.

"Oh! Velour Hoodies! I shall analyze which pigment best matches my eyes while you two may continue our search!" Starfire whipped a few colors off the rack and went into the dressing room. 

Raven started to walk towards the exit. "Where are you going?" 

"I'm ditching her." She said, not turning around.

"I know she'll be in there forever, but just help so we can get out of here faster. PLEASE? We can go to your café later on!!!"

Raven succumbed to this offer. They tore the store's racks apart and finally found something that caught Marie's eye. The whole uniform had the Arabian lure and appeal of a genie. It seemed to bring to life the desert's mystic and barren lands, and the oases that dot them like small, glistening gems. A flowing blouse and khaki cargo pants with an embroidered vest made her look like an elite enforcer of wish granting. She took the forbidden scarlet cashmere scarf and wrapped it around her head like a turban. 

Then Marie strode to the cashier, "I desire to purchase this outfit. In return, I will grant you three wishes in the form of Franklins."

"Yeah, well you'll need a lot more than a coupla Franklins to pay for that baby there." The cashier indicated her makeshift turban and took the three hundred-dollar bills. 

Marie flushed, "Oh. My bad." She took the receipt and placed her 

As they returned the scarf and were exiting the store, Starfire caught up with them. "Friends! What a delightful getting up! Oh! And you had it personalized as well!" On her shoulder, Marie had gotten the lady to sew on a patch with the Titans' "**_T_**" on it. 

"Let's jet. I wanna see what they sell on the menu at Raven's café."

"What a splendid idea! Let us go immedia—" BLEEP BLEEP! BLEEP! The communicator echoed throughout the domed mall and bounced off the frosted glass windows. Raven grabbed it and saw Beast Boy's face popping up in front of Robin's annoyed one.

"You HAVE to get back here! You'll never _BELIEVE_ what just happened!!!" Beast Boy was clearly excited over something. 

"Has anyone broken out of jail?"

"No."

"Is it Slade?"

"Nope."

"Has the Tower been burnt to ashes?"

"Naw."

"Did Beast Boy contaminate the shivering box with his putrid tofu again?"

"Uh-uh."

"Well, then we'll meet you after we stop by the café."

"Not that shady place _again_ Raven?!"

"You HAVE to get down here. That's an order!" 

"Beast Boy, who do you think you are, ordering us around?"

But the link was disconnected and the three were left with two options: Trudge home and probably find that the surprise was that Beast Boy had finally beaten Cyborg in some stupid game, or, go hang down by the Gothic café that Raven loved. 

"Looks like we'll have to do this the old-fashioned way: Eenie Meenie, Miney, Moe—"

"What is Teeny, Weenie, Miney, Ho?"

"Don't interupt, Starfire."

"Why do we even bother? We know that the other option is a pointless discovery: Beast Boy has another lame joke sprouting out of his ears."

"Touch a tiger by his toe, if he hollers, let 'im go, Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe!"

They chose café-time. 

*******

A.N.: Does anyone notice the difference between Marie's outfit and everyone else's? Hers isn't made of spandex! Yes, she is probably the only member whose clothes aren't tight around the butt! 

And what about Raven's café? Will it have the usual slouchers and goths? Or a twist? Well, you'll have to wait and see!

And yeah, the title for this chapter sort of sucks, but whatever, as long as it's quality material.

One more question: Can anybody guess WHY the heck Beast Boy is so excited about this surprise? 

KEEP REVIEWING!!!

Peace out ppl.


	7. Calf Hays and Catching Waves

A.N.: Yes! I can't believe this! People actually LIKE my fic! You have no idea how happy I am! My thanks goes to both Catgirl AND flyingpiggies for complimenting me on my very first fanfiction! Yay! *Does little happy dance insider 2' by 3' cubicle* I am SO happy, happy, happy, happy, HAPPY!!!…But…then there's that darned Algebra Test that I have to take tomorrow…:'(

Life is harsh…BUT, I can manage, and so can everyone else, once I hand out the chocolate bunnies WAY before Easter! 

To flyingpiggies: I will take into consideration what you said about things being a little confusing, and don't worry, I can understand the mushy brains thing! Today, my brother ate my share of the brownies, so I didn't get any desert. Of course, he had a near death experience soon afterwards! I can't wait until I get a chance to read more of "Mirror Mirror!" Hehe, yes, that is another request that you update, because I'm buying nothing but Tapioca and Butterscotch pudding until you do!!!^__^

Okay, rather than let my mouth run, I'll release the wild animals from captivity out into their natural environment so they can roam free, read my fic, and then **_REVIEW_**.

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea. 

Chapter Seven: Calf Hays and Catching Waves

"I didn't even _know_ that this city had streets with these kind of creepy names!" Marie looked at the signs attached to the dim lampposts. They were on the corner of Specter and Swarthy, right in front of a café dubbed, "The Oracle."

Raven let a little grin escape from the depths of her face as they stepped inside. Starfire jumped as an evil cackle erupted from the threshold of the door. 

"It's only the announcer, Starfire." Raven said, pulling her inside.

"Well it is not very nice. I do not understand why the owner of this calf hay could not just purchase and install a bell." Starfire turned around and glared at the little beet-red demon plushy perched on the edge of the frame. 

It was Marie's turn to jump as a deep rumble came from behind her. She turned to face a chuckling young man, who had on a black hued uniform. 

The patch on his apron read, "The Oracle: Predicting Your Appetite and Serving Your Meals since 1883." 

The young man gave Marie a look-over and started laughing in that voice of his. Surprisingly enough, he had blond hair, peridot-green eyes and was about Robin's height. He had a rather rosy complexion and a good-natured face. Not the kind of person you'd expect to find in a strictly gothic café. 

He turned to Raven, "This one here new in town?" He gestured to Marie. Apparently, he had already had the opportunity of getting acquainted with Starfire. Raven nodded, and the boy continued, "Well, your table is over there, reserved especially for you." He winked and walked away to fetch the menus. 

Raven strode over to a booth snugly tucked away in a corner far from the bar. They slid into the smoke-free area and onto the worn, red leather seats.

She sat down across from Starfire and Marie, the latter of which was analyzing some of the doodles and scratches on the metal surface of the table, "Kiara n Darius", "Jamal n Lil' C", "Ryan luvs Britt Britt", "Class of '04 Rox!"

"Twista n Raven 4eva?" Marie pointed to a heart inscribed at the corner of the table and looked accusingly at Raven. 

She immediately defended herself, "That's the nickname of the waiter we just met. He fantasizes a life where I agree to be his companion. A pointless attempt, since all he accomplishes is annoying me." 

Marie thought about that last comment and smirked as Twista came back. "So, you have a crush on Raven here, huh?" 

Both Twista and Raven stared at Marie in awe for a few moments. She started to wonder if asking things like that in a gothic place was disrespectful, but the boy just set down the menus and turned to her. 

"Yeah, sure. She's the only Titan other than Star that I personally know in this whole damned place. I only got this job because I'm low on cash. 16, see? So, what will you ladies be having today? Raven, I'm thinking the usual, my sweet?"

Raven grimaced and nodded her head in acknowledgement. Starfire started flipping rapidly through the whole menu and picked something at the back. 

"I will order a large glass of Chardonnay mixed with Vodka, please!" Marie and Raven looked at her as if she had three heads, but Twista scribbled the liquory (A.N.: Naturally, I made "liquory" up.) request on a legal pad. Marie sprang up and ripped off the sheet that had Starfire's order on it.

"No, I think that Starfire will have just chicken fingers…"

"I was not aware that Earth fowl had flexible digits attached to their flying apparatuses." 

Twista yawned, "We don't sell chicken fingers." 

"Well, then what _DO_ you people sell?" Marie was getting impatient.

Twista flipped the menu in her hands and pointed to a long list of foods, many of which were vegetarian. 

(A.N.: I know that a few people writing fics involving Raven's café were wondering what gothics eat. I tried to look it up under Google, and I found out that most prefer vegetarian diets. Of course, that's just what I found. Raven doesn't strike me as the veggie type ;). ) 

"Oh…um, don't you have anything less…er…green?" 

Twista glared hard at Marie and then back at Raven. "Is she some new dark friend of yours or another freak from the clown shop?"

"No, I'm just another stupid broad joining their band!" Marie shouted, indignant.

"She's joining the Titans, Chris." 

"So, your name is Chris?"

  
"So, you're hiring a clown?" 

"No, Robin is going through the documents as we speak. She was the one with the water and silt abilities. The one who you saw save us on National Television."

"You mean a clown saved your asses with one of those flowers that sprays water and a bag of dirt?" 

"Shut-up."

"Sure, and then what? You gonna honk your little clownie nose at me?" 

Marie rolled her eyes at his caustic humor and spoke up in a professional voice, "No, Mr. Ken Doll, I would like to place an order for Bow-tied Pasta Primavera with a side of Vesuvio potatoes, the House Salad, and for desert, a Strawberry Italian Ice."

"You sure you can eat all that?"

"No, I'm splitting with Starfire, and you best be haulin' ass, otherwise you're not getting a damned fucking tip!"

Chris a.k.a. Twista slinked off while Raven started to scold Marie. "The Titans do not swear."

"Why not? Media?"

"No, Robin's code of Titans' Chivalry. No swearing, no assaulting innocent civilians (including the media), no animal cruelty (guess who forced Robin to make that one up), no back-talking to your elders (including Lt. Dickhed)—"

Here, Raven paused as Marie started cracking up. "What?" she asked testily. 

"Tell me that's _not_ his real name?!"

"It is, and he has his little underlings following us around everywhere, so I advise you not to be heard in public while criticizing the Lt."

"I apologize…Does his personality match his name?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Starfire answered. "Often, he will bombard Robin with reprimands on his fighting tactics. Lt. Dickhed is extremely aggravating."

"How do you know what Di—I mean, what the d-word means?"

"Beast Boy told me it is a synonym for penis—" 

"—Robin will be happy to hear this." Remarked Raven. 

"—On my planet, we use the word 'schlombaug' for that part of the male anatomy Oh! Our orders have been placed on the plates, I see!" Starfire whipped out the cloth napkin from under the fork and tied it under her chin and over her ears, giving the appearance of a beard. Chris seemed to regard everything going on as normal. 

Marie leaned over and whispered something in Starfire's ear. Blushing, she removed the napkin and placed it on her lap. 

"You never told her, Raven?"

"I suppose it never occurred to me to instruct her on proper Earth etiquette."

"Dinner is served ladies! I hope that you enjoy your meal. Call me anytime you like if you need anything. It gets pretty boring with no hotties to chat with at the bar."

He retreated to his place behind the bar, where two hippies were taking abnormally large swigs from Budweisers. An old hag of a lady covered in warts with straggly hair and dressed in what looked like rags plumped her fat bottom down on a stool and ordered in a deep, raspy French Accent, "Cuisses de Grenouilles." Upon inquiry, Marie found from Raven that she had placed an order for Frog's Legs. 

A few beams of sunlight filtered through the folded blinds and curtains by the entrance. 

Wisps of colored smoke from the incense urns gave off the rich scents of cinnamon, frankincense, and sandalwood. 

Three candles rested on the booth's top, two purple and one white. 

The soothing tunes of a New Age CD were rhythmically emanating from the Sony speakers gathered in a cluster on the bar's countertop.

And Starfire decided it was best to break the silence. 

"The food served at this calf hey is very delectable!" she was scooping out the Italian Ice and Marie was about to take a bite of the Vegan Pasta when she caught site of Raven's food.

"Pizza with garlic topping? Herbal tea?!"

"Yes, and don't even think about asking for a taste."

"Mean…" Marie took a bite of the pasta and spit the whole bow tie out beside the salt shaker. 

"What the heck do they use in this stuff?!"

"Everything here is tofu-based, even the dough."

"Urgh! It's like being in Beast Boy's dream world! Only with a dark side! Hey! Um, Chris!"

"Yes, what may I do for you? More Italian Ice perhaps? Or what about a bib for the baby?"

"No, I think that I'll just have pizza. And you best watch your mouth, or I'll wash it out."

"Oh! Delightful! I shall have some as well!" piped Starfire.

"What kind?"

"Pepperoni."

"I would like a pizza with the following condiments: mustard, mint frosting, anchovies, sauerkraut, ketchup, marshmallows, and **_chocolate pudding_**!"

"Riiight. Okay. Coming right up my sweetums…"

They had to wait a while for Starfire's pizza to brew, but Marie sank her teeth into the warm, cheesy goodness of an oven-fresh slice. The triple layer of Parmesan, Mozzarella, and American oozed together and blended with the light seasonings and thick, homemade tomato sauce. Who knew that "The Oracle" could do Italian? _And do it damned well, at that…_

Then out from the depths of the kitchen came a rather sinewy and perturbed cook. Complete with the Chef's hat and bleached white apron, he stormed out of the swiveling steel doors and twirled his waxed mustache, his sharp, beady eyes scanning the room. They narrowed upon sight of the Budweiser-swigging hippies. He shuffled over and let lose a maelstrom of wrath. "OUT! Lei ha inebriato l'assholes! Uscire, il dammit, uscire!" 

They cowered under his towering form. A little dribble of beer was making it's way down the second hippie's shirt. Their cans lay strewn on the floor. 

"Non voglio qualunque schiuma di goddamned in questo caffè! Uscire, dico, prima che strappo via dal suo penises!" And with that last threat, the chef gripped them by their necks and bodily flung them out the door and into the streets. He brushed his hands off and turned, this time, stampeding towards the three girls.

Marie gulped and her eyes started expanding and lolling in their sockets. So we're the next victim of this Italian psychopath? Why doesn't Raven stop him?!

"Cosí, lei sono la piccola ragazza che ha ordinato quello shit di una pizza, una destra?" (So, you're the little girl who ordered that shit of a pizza, right?) He halted in front of the booth and placed two beefy hands on one potbelly, and indicated with a jerk of his chin that he was trying to converse with Starfire. Only beginning to get a handle on English, Starfire was no where on the road to Italian.

Raven spoke up, while Marie clenched her teeth in fear, "Sì, Sig. Bromble, è." (Yes, Mr. Bromble, she is.)

Marie poked her head from behind Starfire's mass of shimmering red hair out of curiosity. She didn't know that Raven had connections with the head cook. Heck, she didn't even know she could speak Italian…

"Bene, ho la frusta di Geraldi esso su per lei adesso. Appena sedere stretto e l'attesa." (Well, I'm having Geraldi whip it up for you now. Just sit tight and wait.) He was about to return to his culinary dynasty when he spotted the meek little umber head. 

"Eh! Chi questo è la piccola ragazza, qui?" (Eh! Who's this little girl, here?)

Again, Raven came to the rescue, "È il nostro membro il più nuovo dei Titani." (She's our newest member of the Titans.)

Mr. Bromble stroked his goatee and chuckled, giving Marie a look-over, "Realmente, l'eh? Il tipo di sguardi di amando un Casper, o qualcosa. ..Some il tipo di largo con nessuna faccia. ..Living i morti, anche.." (Really, eh? Looks kind of like a Casper, or something...Some kind of broad with no face...Living dead, even...)

"Suppongo. Ha bisogno di molto lavoro fatto. Mettere di Robin insieme la sua Nascita Certifica dell'ed i documenti legali." (I suppose. She needs a lot of work done. Robin's putting together her Birth Certificates and legal documents.)

"Eh? Ciò è cosí? Bene, piacevole per incontrarlo mio caro!" (Eh? Is that so? Well, nice to meet you my dear!) Mr. Bromble laughed, the deep rumble sounding more like a drum-roll, or thunder than anything else. 

Marie tried to suppress a shudder. What the hell was he saying? And why did he look like the Jolly Red Tomato Giant all of a sudden? 

Raven lightly nudged her with her foot under the table and whispered something.

Marie listened and tried to remember it all. "Sì, il giorno veramente, buono a lei il signore. Il piacere è il mio, ma lei avrà il piacere in frullando il mio come una volta sono fatto il blabbing. E sua moglie è qualunque migliore? Ho visto che il suo esegue un complotto diabolico col postino l'altro giorno. Deve essere completamente esaurita. Sento il postino fa dei lavori buoni intorno qui."

The Italian went even more rosso and his moustache curled. He looked like the cackling demon plushy on the door. "Che nel nome di Dio? Hahaha! Vedo, un altro trucco Corvino. Non sa un pezzetto arginato di italiano, la fa? Bene, andrò d'accordo e controllare sulla pizza della Stella. Piacevole per incontrarlo!" (What in God's name?! Hahaha! I see, another Raven prank. Doesn't know a damn bit of Italian, does she? Well, I'll be getting along and checking on Star's pizza. Nice to meet you!) 

He looked back over his shoulder on his way back and called out, "Oh, e l'assicura calcia che Slade quanto a me, l'eh? Il dickhead ha dimenticato di pagare il conto quando era qui l'ultimo. Me fa un altro favore e piacere il suo pasto, il suo eh?" He chuckled to himself and shook his head. "Un altro Titano, un altro eh? Dei, questi bambini formano dei club come le stelle questi giorni o che?" (Another Titan, eh? Gods, are these children forming clubs like the stars these days or what?)

"Raven what the hell did I just say? What the hell did HE just say?" Marie watched the swinging doors dumbfounded. 

"He said, 'Oh, and make sure you kick that Slade's ass for me, eh? The dickhead forgot to pay the bill when he was here last. Do me another favor and enjoy your meal, eh?' Happy now?"

"No, I still don't know what **_I_** said!"

"You don't want to know."

"No, c'mon, just tell me! Oh, by the way, you said 'dickhead' and 'ass'. Thought you might like to know."

"You should really learn not to repeat what others say."

"How many languages can you speak, anyways?"

"Other than Italian? English."

"Raven. Friend. Amigo. Compadre. Companero. Be frank with me here, capish?" 

"Italian, English, French, Russian, Dutch, Portuguese, Spanish, Norwegian, German, and Simplified & Traditional Chinese."

Marie: O_O Ooooooohhhhhhh…

Starfire: @_@ Aaaaaaahhhhhhh…

Raven: --_-- Whatever…Z_Z Zzzzzzz…

Eventually, a wiry man in a smock and poufy Chef's hat emerged from the kitchen, bearing a colossal circular pan on his shoulders. He looked like the skinny version of Mr. Bromble, with a tiny handlebar moustache and a few gristly hairs poking out of his chin. His face was sweaty and his funny little knees looked like shaking sticks beneath the white apron. 

"Here is your meal, Miss." He grunted, mopping his brow with a patterned handkerchief. 

"Isn't Geraldi supposed to be a girl's name?" Marie queried allowed. She got an elbow in the ribs from Starfire, plus two nasty glares from the cook and Raven. 

"My bad, I was thinking of Geraldine…"

And then came disaster as Starfire found herself plunging into a mound of murky sauces and far fetched colors. The smells combined into one nauseating fragrance, and finally Raven demanded that they get it fixed up in a doggie bag and go home.

Chris shook Marie's hand and assured her that it was an honor having met a clown. 

Marie squeezed his cheek like an affectionate old granny and said it was an honor having met a smart-ass jock. 

They took the shore route. The beach was deserted, and the sun had already made its scarlet departure long ago. The black waters lapped against the soaked sand in peaceful rhythm. Marie tried her luck at catching a few waves by controlling the tide with her abilities. 

Unfortunately, she got so excited when her powers finally kicked in and it started to work, that she cause a breaker to come thundering down the shoreline. 

"Ohhh! Friend! You must divert its course!" Starfire flew over to Marie and started yanking her arm.

"I can't! I don't know how to make it stop!" Marie was waving her arms at the wave.

"Picture it dying down! It will only cease motion if you envision it." Raven said.

"Huh?!" Marie was trying to imagine, but watching a forty-foot wall of water come straight towards you at unthinkable speeds was a little bit disturbing.

"ARGH!!!" The girls shielded their eyes and braced themselves for impact, ready to cope with the pain of having their skin slapped raw and their bones crack under the driving force of the wave. 

"Peace, Quiet, Tranquility. Peace, Quiet, Tranquility. Peace, Quiet, Tranquility." Starfire started chanting. 

__

If only I can make this monster stop, then maybe none of us will end up in the E.R. Marie watched the sand appear at her feet as the water was sucked up to feed the giant tidal wave. 

__

Just imagine it…

Who said that?!

I'm kneeling next to you…

Raven?! I didn't know you could send messages telepathically!

Just picture the wave before I send you a very nasty message!

*Sigh* Don't rush me…

Marie thought hard, thought of the colossal tsunami halting in midair, thought of freezing the trillions of molecules in that lofty pillar of hyaline, thought of holding out a flat palm and commanding it all to cease! 

And then…the roaring, gushing sound desisted. The boiling foam and sea spray stopped swirling and splashing her. And what was even better was that Starfire had stopped whimpering her little chants. 

Marie lifted her eyes until she saw the wonder before her. A massive tidal wave was frozen through and through, with little bits of seaweed and mollusks sticking out of the edges. The bubbly foam that rested on the crest of the wave had been turned into a "polar ice" cap. A few specks of flying seawater were suspended in mid-air, like little teardrops from a mourning ocean. 

Marie rose from her knees and looked at it in awe. "Whoa…I didn't know that I could do that…"

"Glorious! Our new friend has spared us from the perils of impairment!"

"Not only that, she just constructed the world's largest ice sculpture…"

It was true. The breaker was stretched as if it were a groping hand, trying to grasp the girls. Marie had to admit, there were five perfectly sculpted digits, outstretched and menacing. It was odd: Marie hadn't imagined shaping the wave into a hand. She had thought of her own hand stopping the wave…like a traffic guard. This seemed to be the hand of Poseidon. But she brushed the thought away and continued to gaze at the towering monument in bewilderment. 

"I didn't know that phases of matter applied to my powers!"

"Well, naturally. You stop the molecules in an object from moving as fast as they do in a liquid, and the next thing you have is a solid."

"Who knew that I could freeze a whole entire breaker?! And a _saltwater_ one, at that!!!" 

"You must have had a very high dose of that compound from Veiktra LapCorp. that gave you those strong powers. Or, somehow you can control the sodium and make it disappear, leaving you with fresh water. Those are the most logical explanations that I can give to the saltwater freezing."

"Oh! Delightful! Marie has also spared us the trouble of concocting an assortment of edibles for the final consumption period!"

"She means we don't have to make dinner." Raven translated for Marie as they watched Starfire fly to the cap of the wave and break several mollusks free from the foam. 

She was punching and scattering the shards of ice on the beach. It took a lot of force to shatter the glistening, glass-like liquid. Shimmering like a frosted diamond in the snowy moonlight, the clarity of the wave was stunning. Suddenly, she saw something…something like…an eye?! Starfire poked it curiously, and jumped as it moved.

"Eek! Friends! I have found a visionary organ! It is a possession of someone's!"

"Probably just a fish. Come on, I think that we have enough. Besides, I want to see what I can do with sand." 

"The sand can wait for tomorrow." Raven warned.

Marie grinned sheepishly, "Can I at least get a photo of this wave? It's the first one that I've frozen, you know."

Starfire whipped out a camera and started clicking away madly. She even made Marie stand at the top of the wave and pose as a surfer. The flash went off in everyone's eyes. 

"I will treasure these shots snapping in my Book of Scraps!" Starfire exclaimed while stowing away her Polaroid.

Marie ran up to the result of her commands and ran a hand along the smooth, polished surface. The ice was cold and seemed to conduct some sort of tingling energy along her fingers, like the liquid was trying to infuse its current with her mind. She felt a surge of power run through her, and suddenly, a large part of the ice melted instantly into a little puddle around her feet, setting a few dead minnows free of their icy grave. 

Raven placed an urging hand on Marie's shoulder. The girl gave one last shuddering look at what she had done and then turned to scoop up more of Starfire's crustaceans. 

The trio walked home, arms loaded with mollusks, and everyone wondering exactly just _what_ this surprise of Beast Boy's was… 

*******

A.N.: I know that Marie seems to have just been swept into the group, like the Titans don't care who joins them, but TRUST me, she's going to have to go through a few more…er…shall we say, _steps_? 

And there's this hand of Poseidon that she just thought was some manifestation of her own imagination—hey! I rhymed!—but is it? 

And why is Chris's nickname Twista? Obviously, we'll see more of him in later chapters, but not just playing the role of faithful waiter. 

And what about that mysterious eye? Was it really a fish…or was it…bum, bum, buuuuum! 

Never mind, you'll find out later!!!

Oh, and the last thing that Marie said in Italian was, "Yes, indeed, good day to you sir. The pleasure is mine, but you will have pleasure in whipping my ass once I am done blabbing. And is your wife any better? I saw her carrying out a diabolical plot with the mailman the other day. She must be thoroughly exhausted. I hear the mailman does good jobs around here."

Of course, there's also this little surprise mentioned in this chapter and the one before it that Beast Boy is so excited about…hmm…can anyone guess? MORE REVIEWING!!!

Peace out ppl.


	8. Not by the Hair on My Bald ChinnyChin

A.N.: To flyingpiggies: Yes, I am aware that I am on update-overload. But I make it a habit to type up at least a chapter a night, English hmwk or no English hmwk. Sometimes I'll get an idea and just type until my fingers fall off. And when I DO remember the English hmwk…well…let's just say that I sometimes cram that in during my morning rush hour…hehe…

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Eight: Not by the Hair on My Bald Chinny-Chin

The night sky was lit ablaze with the glow of millions of white shining stars, each illuminating the deep blue sky with a flame all its own. 

Raven and Marie walked on in silence as Starfire broke into an animated one-sided conversation on the origin of Tamaran, several galaxies, and myths on the constellations. She even told about her planet's horoscope signs.

"My sign is Glucosio, the geyser of sweetness. According to the signs of Tamaran, my counter-sign is Ridlinius, the god of calmness. By the Earthen Zodiac, my signs are Aquarius and Cancer…"

"Aquarius _and_ Cancer?!" Marie was dumbfounded. How did a person manage to have two signs?

"She was born in two parts of her galaxy through a Trans-portal. By Earth time, it was February on Tamaran and July on Lunavaria, the second Sentari Moon."

"Oh…Sort of like Time Zones, right?" 

"Oh friends! Let us devour our visionary organs on that luminous, fiery meteor that is descending through the mesosphere!"

"She means let's feast our eyes on that shooting star that's falling from the sky." Translated Raven to a dumbfounded Marie. 

"—Said Chicken Little." Mumbled Marie. "I'd rather we feast our eyes on supper, Starfire. The Tower's around this turn and over the bridge, right?" Queried Marie. 

"Yes! You shall soon remember the way back all in good time my friend! Once we arrive, I shall up whip our planet's famous seafood platter. It shall be a wondrous banquet to commemorate the arrival of our new member who wields powers of sand and sea! We shall silly ourselves stuffed and acquire indigestion! Then we shall participate in the administering of expelling natural mustard gases and various odor-causing fumes! Proceeding this, we shall then view a digitally recorded medi—"

"Starfire." Raven stared at her with her iron fire eyes, subduing the other's incessant chatter. 

"Eep! Yes?"

"Two words: Shut—"

"—Up." Marie finished. 

Starfire immediately got the message and fortunately kept her peace as they rounded the bend on Protector Pkwy. and came upon a star-struck Titans Tower. 

Centered in the middle of Titans' Island in front of the now destroyed Vanquisher Bridge, it was framed against a midnight-blue sky dotted with vivid, golden celestial luminescence, the creamy face of an ivory moon, and a subtle, velvety, barely visible cobalt horizon. Marie couldn't hold back the dreamy smiles and entranced, dancing eyes at the sight of her new home. 

They walked across the dainty little cobblestone walkway until they came upon the door. There was a plaque that read: "Crib Bombin' Crib" (A.N.: For my readers who don't speak slang, that's supposed to mean "Home Sweet Home.")

Starfire set her load of mussels on the step, placed her hand on the plasma pad, took the retina scan, spit on the slide for DNA testing, and punched in the security code. (A.N.: Sort of stupid how I have them type in the security code last…) She waited for the familiar jingle that indicated their acceptance. 

"Access denied." Replied the smooth, digitized, female voice of the computer program. (A.N.: Think Star Trek…)

"I do not understand…I have inputted the correct information, but the system will not accept me…" Starfire was trying to remember if she had forgotten a step.

"Your records probably need to be updated. Did you remember to do it last month?"

"Yes, I completed everything."

"Then the program might be reacting differently to your spit on the slide. What was that disgusting mess that you were eating for lunch, again?" Raven asked testily.

"A large deep-dish pizza with mustard, mint frosting, anchovies, sauerkraut, ketchup, marshmallows, and **_chocolate pudding!_**"

Raven's mouth twitched in disgust and Marie laughed nervously. "Too many foreign bodies in the spit will cause the DNA to conform with the chemicals. Let me try." 

Raven complied with the test requirements, but hesitated on the spitting—to which Starfire informed Marie that Raven detested spitting and always stared at the slide—and _STILL_ no admittance into the building.

"Computer, activate visual/audio cam." Raven commanded, a little irascibly. 

"Activating visual/audio cam."

"Computer, alert inhabitants of Titans Tower—"

"—That someone is at the entrance!" Starfire finished, leaving Raven even more irritable.

"Alerting inhabitants."

Marie just sighed and filled a ditch in by the road with water for the mussels to swim and breathe in. "I swear, these people have never heard of doorbells…"

*******

Robin was fixing himself a Sprite when he heard the computer's voice come from the speaker above his head. 

"Alert Code 21: Organisms remain present before entrance." 

Robin dropped the ice and stared at the speaker. _What is that thing talking about? _He thought to himself.

__

Robin…

Robin dropped his Sprite this time. "Who said that?!" he exclaimed aloud.

__

It's Raven. Stop yelling. Use your brain for once.

Robin shook his head and started to think…

__

Raven?! What are you doing in my head? Is this what it feels like to have your mind read? And where were are you guys?! You better get back here on the double, and that's an order! 

__

First of all, it's pointless trying to communicate my message if you constantly interrupt me. Secondly, if I was reading your mind, you wouldn't feel anything at all. Thirdly, we are not guys, we are females. Fourthly, we are outside the front door. 

Outside the front door!? Why can't you come in? 

The computer won't let us. It stalls up every time we try. 

So THAT'S what the computer was trying to say. Is Starfire with you?

Yes, Robin. Raven's mind was thinking slightly amused.

__

What about that other girl…? Is she with you or did she run away?

No, Robin, that **other girl**_ is tending to our dinner by the roadside.._

Huh?

Never mind, stop wasting your energy and let us in. Get Cyborg or Beast Boy to do it. 

Why them? I'm perfectly capable of opening the door for Starfi—I mean, you guys—er—girls—uh…females…

I can see the Sprite all over the floor. It would be best if you would remain there and clean it up. 

Alright, alright. I'll get them. Uhh…over and out?

No. Peace out.

Robin chuckled at Raven's last remark and called the two rulers of the game world over. 

"They're locked out?!" Cyborg looked disbelieving.

"Haha! Raven got locked owut! Raven got locked owut!" Beast Boy started doing stupid little dances around the counter. "She'll have to beg for mercy and my love!" 

"I don't get this! I upgraded the daggone thing two days ago! The system is completely refreshed! Bug-free and everything!"

"Apparently, it's not. Just go get them."

"Jeez, Robin! Look at the floor! What did you do?! Have a wet dream, or something?!" Beast Boy dashed away before Robin could bang him upside his fuzzy head.

*******

"I swear, if Beast Boy and Cyborg don't let us in…" Raven's face was contorted in frustration.

"Have no doubts, friend Raven! I am positive that they will consent! And if not I shall ask them as the wolf did in the 'Three Little Pigs: Little Pig, little pig, let me in!"

"Hey little guy! What? You don't like topsoil? Try this…" Marie was talking to the mussels and filling the bottom of the habitat with sand. 

Raven looked at them like they were straight from the Jump City Asylum. She glanced at the door and growled…

*******

"Hey, Cy! It's this button that pops up the monitor, right?" Beast Boy was on the verge of pressing a bright red button with a Death's Head on it. 

Cyborg sprang over to stop him and caught his puny arm just in time. "You little idiot! That's the Auto-Defense System button! THIS is the monitor button—although I don't remember it being so small…" Cyborg pressed a tiny green button at the bottom of the keypad. 

*******

"Friends, what are these strange ammunition devices rising from the ground?" Starfire pointed nervously at the array of missile launchers poking threatening heads out of the topsoil. Marie gulped and Raven rose up tentatively. 

BEE-YUM! BEE-YUM! BEE-YUM! Three laser-beams aimed straight at the girls were fired. 

Raven and Starfire neutralized the effect with their powers, causing little explosions when each opposing beam met. Marie just stared in surprise. 

"What did they _DO_?!" Marie ducked again as another beam nearly fried her face.

Raven blasted three of the laser guns and eluded six more. "They've activated the Auto-Defense Program. Those idiots…This must be Beast Boy's hand at work, for once…"

"Eep! We must devise a plan to alert Beast Boy and Cyborg of their errors! I suggest that we use the Earth method of Morse Code, or perhaps we try a system of flags and symbols, or there is the task of blowing certain notes through a Cynglarior Flute…" Starfire was atomizing, avoiding, and at the same time making herself audible over all the commotion. She blasted a hole through the three-foot thick wall beside the keypad. 

"That'll do." Marie said, as she peered through the hole from her position by the road. 

"YO! What the heck just happened here?!" Cyborg jumped as a Starbolt whisked under his feet. 

Beast Boy poked through a smoking gap and brought his head back up with frightening speed as he faced Cyborg.

"And you say I'm the mindless idiot…" he shook his head at a bewildered Cyborg.

"If you two would cease your oblivious chatter, maybe none of us will come through looking like Swiss Cheese." Raven blew up another launcher and Cyborg finally found his voice. 

"Whoa! Man, Robin was right! There really IS a bug in the system!"

"Uh, he-_loooo_! Earth to metal-man! They're being turned into Kentucky Fried Chicken out there and we're sitting _here_ doing nothing but wondering about a stupid bug!" 

Cyborg just rolled his eyes and slapped a big blue panel on the side of the controls. This time a spontaneous hail of bullets was emitted from the launchers. He gripped his head in confusion and started dancing around. Beast Boy looked like his face had been ironed flat. The girls were now huddled behind a row of tiny garden gnomes and taking turns peeking above the pointed hats and firing at the guns. 

"Oh man! This is SO not my day!"

"You said it! First, I whip your butt in Fire Emblem, then, you get blown to pieces in—"

"You little moron! I meant THIS!!! The program's on overdrive and I didn't even push the button!!!" Cyborg was pounding on all sorts of mechanisms, levers, and switches. All of them made the situation outside even worse. There was now some sort of contraption that looked like a Patriot missile unearthing itself. 

"Holy Broccoli! What IS that thing?!!?" Beast Boy huddled beneath Cyborg's foot and started fidgeting. 

Cyborg's eyes started popping out of his head. "How the—?! That thing isn't even supposed to be under the Auto-Defense Program!!! That's the Seek-And-Destroy System's responsibility!!!"

"Who cares whose goddamned responsibility it is!? Get it the hell away from us before our deaths are _your_ responsibility!" Marie was yelling at them from behind a stocky little gnome with a hoe in his left hand. Cyborg pressed a button and a laser-beam fried a hole through the dwarf's forehead, narrowly missing her.

"Hey! You jackasses! You did that on purpose!"

"Oops. My bad…" Cyborg crooned cynically. 

"Okay, okay! We're on it!" Beast Boy yelled indignantly. 

"I've tried all the buttons! There's nothing left!" Cyborg moaned in distress. 

"What about that one?" Beast Boy pointed to the forbidden blood-red button. The anthropoid slapped his hand and turned to him sternly. 

"I swear, anything that's got 'WARNING,' scribbled all over it is something that you're always tempted to touch!"

"Yeah, well, if all the good buttons go bad, then all the bad buttons must be good, right?!" 

Cyborg paused for a moment in thought. "You know that that's probably the first intelligent thing that's ever come out of your mouth and still makes no sense?"  


"Yeah, you know I'm a genius!" Beast Boy started to look at his nails admiringly.

"Don't flatter yourself. Now go ahead and push the darned button already!"

Professor Furriness, Ph. D, pressed the sacred button, and, miraculously, everything came to a standstill. There was a brief silence as three sets of eyes peeked over three crispy gnomes to survey the damage. 

The Bad News: There were about 26 blackish tinged bald-spots scattered about the manicured lawn, a shish-kabobed squirrel, several uprooted flowers, and a severed mailbox. The Good News: The monitor was on. 

Marie stepped up to the hole by the wall and stuck her face in. Starfire smiled in front of the camera. Raven preferred to send curses telepathically. 

"Oooo. Better patch that up…" Cyborg placed a steel sheet over the perforation and started drilling, which drowned out Marie's growls. 

"Okay! Now that we're all nice and cozy inside, I suppose you girls want us to let you come in and have tea, right?" 

"We would be much obliged if you did." Raven replied stonily to the lens of the camera. 

"Okay, we're opening the do—or?" Beast Boy looked at it questioningly. He had pressed the button, but it wouldn't open. "Oh yeah! It's supposed to be the opposite button!" He pressed the lock button this time, but still nothing. 

Cyborg started punching all the codes he could think of into the little computer. But nothing worked. "Umm…Houston…I think we have another problem…" 

"Little Pigs, little pigs! Let us in!" Starfire chanted.

"Uhhh…not by the hair on my chinny chin-chin…?" replied Beast Boy.

"Boy! For all the hair that you've got, there ain't a single dang hair on yo freaking chin!" Cyborg scorned at Beast Boy's protesting face.

Raven was loosing it. The longer she stayed out there with these idiots, the more her brain turned to mush. _Might as well_. She thought to herself. _Everything else is burned. More disparagement won't hurt. _And so, the little panel that served as the lock was crisped in her black fire. There was a snap, and…

"I've been able to open this door before with credit cards, hairpins, and a little bit of pressure, but Raven, you seriously know how to get the job done!"

The three girls filed in, and instantly…

WHOOSH!!! "**_ARGH_**!!!" Everyone cried as they stared at the ceiling and saw a gigantic blubber of liquid-filled rubber balloon come tumbling down on them…It came like gigantic, fat lady, bloated and red and dancing in slow-motion, a massive menacing threat to all humanity!!!

SPLAT!!! "_EW_!" And the five Titans were soaked from head-to-foot in—VINEGAR!!!

"Oh, god, we stink!" Marie held her dripping sleeved arms at shoulder-height and looked herself over. Her sopping clothes were plastered to her skin and her brown hair was drenched and hanging around her face smelling of the strong stench. 

Raven's hood was slung over her face, hiding her expression, but not able to conceal two very wet, very shakily clenched fists by her side. _Where in Azar's name did that come from?_

Starfire was sniffing the air and pursing her lips in disgust. "What is this detestable acidic liquid? It smells like the spray from a Harsnorflian Skunklublar!"

Beast Boy and Cyborg were crying silently in remorse. The humanoid was checking all of his software and running scans to make sure his body parts were intact. Beast Boy was trying to lick his fur dry, crouching and spitting out green hairballs at the girls while he did. 

Marie decided to break the silence. "So, Beast Boy. What is this surprise of yours? Get the high score on PAC Man or something?"

Beast Boy seemed to brighten up. "Dude! You will **_NEVER_** believe what it is!" Marie arched an eyebrow in expectation. And then…

*******

A.N.: Ewww…Vinegar? What brought about this cruel form of insanity? Who planted the balloon? Technically, it was me, but fanfiction.net-wise, it was a mystery person…

And who fooled with the doors in the first place? How did Beast Boy know about the buttons? To tell you the truth, it was dumb luck. He didn't have a clue. 

Hehe. Yeah, I know. I'm evil. Just go ahead and admit it. I AM EEEEEEVVVVILLLLLL!!! MUWAHAHAAAAAA!!! Okay, so no secrets unraveled here, either, right? Yeah, this is torture. But I'm not getting any guesses here!!! Well, I've put this off for long enough. You, as my readers, have a right to know what the hell Beast Boy and the other guys are hiding. So, if you just wait a second and a few hours, I will type up that chapter tonight and ship it off to you by tonight. Deal? Okay. Good. Sit there and get the exta, super, mega-loaded butter popcorn on the microwave, grab a 2-liter bottle of coke, and get comfortable everyone…

Moi: Okay, who said to bring THOSE out!?

Imaginary Reviewer Representative: No one. The Reviewers felt like it, and if I want to keep my $2,000/hr. job, then I have to do whatever they say, and they said bring out the Cocoa Beans. 

Moi: Yeah, but those babies came from my private storage room! How'd you gain access to that place?! And are those my PANAMANIAN Cocoa Beans!!!??? 

IRR: Gizmo helped out a bit. Yeah…Come on, lady. Gimme a break. I need my pay so I can buy that leather chair that's been up for grabs on E-bay the whole week. All you gotta do is stand still.

Moi: Gizmo's gonna die! Stand still while you hand my Cocoa beans out? Uh-uh, I don't think so…

IRR: They're not eating them. They're THROWING them at you for not telling what the surprise is.

Moi: The surprise? OW! I already told them that I'm going to type that up tonight! OW!! Can't you people calm yourselves?! OW!!! OKAY, okay, I'm TYPING, already! OW!!!! EEP! I've been bruised! HELP!!! Security! I hope you know, I'm pressing charges under assault! OW!!!!! Hey, those are limited edition beans, too, ya know! I have them specially ground for my daily glass of chocolate milk! OW!!!!!!

Reviewer: Yeah, sure, you use Hershey's Chocolate Syrup like the rest of us! Now TYPE!!!

Moi: OW!!!!!!!! 

Peace out ppl.


	9. SURPRISE!

A.N.: Geez, that was the easiest name I've ever come up with for a chapter! Okay, on with the surprise!…

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Nine: SURPRISE!!! 

A blurred figure shot past the living room and into the lobby towards the marinated Titans. It stopped short in front of them, but only long enough to pent up energy that was used to bear-hug the three girls…regardless of the vinegar. Marie felt the wind being sucked out of her. Facing the other boys, Marie could see Beast Boy grinning broadly, Cyborg rolling his eyes and a smiling Robin joining them from the kitchen. Unable to see her 'attacker', however, Marie was starting to wonder if the whole locked-outside-get-dunked-in-vinegar incident was really just a nasty prank. And when the girls were finally released, she got a good view of this person.

"SURPRISE!!!" screamed a vibrant young blonde. 

Three things were uttered at once from three utterly reeling and befuddled girls:

"FRIEND _TERRA_!!!" said the first little pig. 

"_THE_ TERRA?!?!" said the second little pig. 

"_You_…" growled the third crooked little pig.

"Yes! I'm back!" grinned the famished wolf. 

"What brought about this wondrous occasion?" queried a pleased Starfire.

"Thought I'd just stop by and pay a visit to my old friends, you know, it seems so dead around Jump City, with barely any crime going on here, I thought I'd just shake things up a bit, have some fun. And who might you be?" Terra turned to Marie and cocked her head to the side. 

Starfire replied for her, "This is our newest recruit of the team, Mar—"

"—Sepia. Nice to meet you Terra." Marie interrupted, concealing herself with a hastily made up pseudonym. _Well, Robin said that I would need one, so, I guess I'll stick with this…_ "I've read ALL about you in the papers…" Marie casually hinted towards Terra's rather infamous past.

"SEPIA?! I thought you said your name was—" Robin interrupted.

"Robin, this is her chosen nom de plume. Let her do as she desires." Raven said, catching on to Marie's suspicious actions. 

"Yeah, I guess there's been a lot to read in the papers, hasn't there?!" Terra said rather defensively. 

And enter Beast Boy, with his normal masculine stupidity, makes a remark that pierces the hearts of the three vinegar-girls. "You know, since Marie is a total stranger and is joining the Titans, why not let Terra have another go?"

"REALLY?!!!? That would be _SO_ awesome!" Terra looked at Beast Boy as if she'd been Cupid's latest unfortunate victim.

"_No…_" Raven looked intently at the jocund blonde in deep disgust. "A total stranger would be more worthy of our trust than you."

"WHA-HUH?!" Terra was shocked. 

Beast Boy looked as offended as she did. "Just let her stay, Raven! Let her have one more chance!" 

Marie, alias Sepia was still a little lost at sea. She had read the papers, but was not familiar with the inside scoop. She listened closely to the argument between the group:

"We've been granting her chances ever since she joined us."

"Oh yeah? And what's so wrong with that? We gave YOU chances, _Ra_-ven!"

"I never betrayed the team."

"Oh really? What about your little tantrum with Dr. Light, huh? That's the same thing as assaulting an innocent citizen! You were joining the Dark Side, Raven!"

"Let's not get off topic, shall we? Terra still needs more time away from the team."

"In _your_ OPINION! Heck no! She's staying here! Ask everyone else! I bet THEY'LL agree with me!" Beast Boy turned to an assortment of aphonic Titans. Robin, Cyborg, Starfire, and _supposedly_ Terra were looking on with stunned faces. They had never seen Beast Boy like this. He was so…enraged…so…

Apparently, he would get no answer. And then, Beast Boy got a horribly brilliantly banefully indecent idea. He turned to Marie and asked in a deep, sepulchral voice, "What do **_YOU_** think?! Should she _STAY_, or no?" 

Marie lost it. Beast Boy looked like a green devil. It was her responsibility to choose what would happen. Her heart was hammering madly inside her ribs. The shivers went up her spine like a thousand crawling, hairy arachnids. Her tired eyes were squinted in concentration. What should I do?! If I say no, who knows what Beast Boy will do to me?! If I say yes, will Terra be as bad as the media and Raven say she is?! Oh geez, what the hell?! 

"YES!" The answer came out of her trembling mouth like a bullet. 

The reaction was similar:

Raven was on the verge of blowing herself into smithereens. 

Beast Boy had suddenly turned into a sea lion and was barking and clapping his hands madly in delight. 

The other Titans were starting to slink out of their stupefaction. 

And there was a sinister glow in Terra's eyes that was barely concealed by a satisfied smirk. 

Robin shook his head to clear his thoughts. "I'll go renew your documents." He said, and jaunted off towards the filing room. 

Starfire broke into a group hug and nearly choked Terra to death. "Oh! Joy be to us all! We have made so many moldy and ew friends this wondrous day!"

"I'll go and create a new profile for you, Terra." Cyborg said, excusing himself from another vice grip. 

"And I shall wash this fetidness from myself!" Starfire left for the showers.

Raven melted into the shadows and slid gently away along the walls, leaving a gentle murmur in the breeze that blew in from the open door: _Soon, Terra. Very Soon._

Marie was about to leave, when someone grabbed her arm. It was Terra. "Hey, Sepia you said your name was?"

"Yes."

"Beast Boy told me you're sleeping in the room at the end of the hallway. That's where I used to sleep, you know, and since I really didn't feel like going anywhere else, I sort of, well, moved in with you. So I guess we'll be kind of like roommates, huh? Oh, I also moved some stuff around. I know you won't mind!"

"Huh!? YOU MOVED MY STUFF?!" Marie was horrified. She started dashing up the stairs.

"Yeah, I KNOW that you'll just LOVE the way that I fixed it up! It'll be a lot more cozy now!"

*******

Marie nearly broke the door down in her haste. And what she saw made her feel as if the world had come to an end. Everywhere was PINK. Nothing but endless amounts of it! Pink wallpaper, pink bedcovers, pink furniture, pink carpet, pink curtains, pink, pink, PINK!!! And what was more…

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY STUFF!!!???" Marie glanced around the room. Terra had even gone so far as to replace her OWN bedspread with pink quilts and line a collection of fluffy pink toys along the puffy pink pillows that were stacked in front of a perky pink headrest…

Marie flipped the quilt to reveal…

"AUGH!!!" Pink sheets! And behind that…

"What in God's name—?!" was a pink mattress. Marie ran to the pink drawer and started uprooting the layers of pink thongs, she went to the closet and began tossing out the heaps of pink clothing, and she crawled under the bed and found that her suitcase had been replaced with a fluffy pink duffel bag. 

Storming downstairs, Marie dumped the sheets, the quilt, the pillows, the toys, the clothes, the thongs, the duffel bag, even the mattress, ALL pink, on Terra's lap. 

"WHERE-IN-THE-FUCKING-WORLD-IS-MY-STUFF?!" 

Beast Boy and Cyborg leaned over and each snatched a thong from the pile of pinkiness. 

"Oh! All _THAT_ junk? I thought that was just trash…"

"_WELL_?"

"Well what?"

"Where _IS_ it?!"

"Oh! I thought that you just meant to throw it out anyways. I'm sorry if I ruined something. I was only trying to help. It's outside by the dump…By the way, love the costume!" She remarked, oblivious as to what she had done. 

Marie was starting to realize why this girl was to be detested so much. She was also starting to regret her rash decision to let the beast stay. 

*******

A.N.: Muwahahahaaaaa!!! YES! TERRA HAS RETURNED!!! 

And I know someone out there is at the moment cursing Marie for letting her stay with the Titans, but please DON'T! Bcuz, as u can c, she is starting to hate that evil blonde as faithfully as anyone for the room-make-over. 

And for those of you Terra fans, plz do NOT kill me OR waste my precious Panamanian Cocoa Beans. 

And to everyone whose favorite color is pink: Pink is okay, just not too much of it, or I would go crazy, as Marie did in reaction to her room.

And how the heck is Beast Boy just gonna let Terra stay like that? I mean, c'mon, people, it's not logical! But it's MY fic, so MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA to you, too!

More will be told later on! But for now my friends, I must bid thee farewell and take a chill pill. Good night! Don't let the bedbugs bite!

Peace out ppl. 


	10. Devising Dinner and the Diva Duel

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Ten: Devising Dinner and the Diva Duel

"We forgot the mussels!!!" Marie exclaimed from her room, after having straightened all her chattels.

She dashed downstairs and wrenched open the door, the button being still out of commission. Running across the path, she came upon a puddle filled with the shellfish and scooped the lot up in her arms, still smelling of vinegar. Then, she trudged back inside, rummaged through the cabinets until she found a pot, and filled it to the brim with water from her powers. 

Marie set the pot on the counter and sat down on a stool. What can I make? Clam Chowder? Mussel Chowder? Suddenly, she brightened. She went to the recycle bin beside the door and grabbed the Sunday paper, untying the string that bound it. Then, she started layering the counter with the funnies, the Business, and the Arts & Entertainment sections. 

Starfire entered, robed with her hair in a towel and glided over the assortment of video games scattered about the floor to investigate. She turned to the mussels in the pot and asked, "Comrade, why do you confine the considerably coy crustaceans in a culinary constraint?" (A.N.: loL! Lots of C's!)

Marie laughed, whipped out a Chef's Hat, and exclaimed, "Zis is not ze penitentiary! Zis is L'ail A Bourré des Moules!" (Garlic Stuffed Mussels) At this, Raven poked her head in through the door and walked over. 

Licking her lips she asked, "Garlic?"

"Oui, mademoiselle! Ail! And I do not intend to cook it all by myself."

"Nor do you intend to flavor it with vinegar, either!" said Terra through a pinched nose. "Did you shower yet?!"

Marie tilted her chin in defiance. "No, and I'm not going to until we get this baby whipped up. Now, who's a-gonna help a-hur?" 

The other three obliged, adorning white aprons and Chef's Hats…well, all except a resolute Raven. Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy entered as well, all of them, (except one furry green vegan), felt the hunger tearing away at their shrunken stomachs as the delicious scent of seafood met their noses. The two formers agreed to assist, leaving Beast Boy alone in his misery, only to be temporarily cheered by Starfire. 

"Do not despair, Beast Boy!" She declared, holding a fistful of some sort of slimy green vegetation. "I have managed to procure a serving of seaweed! I have heard that Asians prefer it in a dish they dub sushi!"

"Which also happens to contain raw fish!!!" Beast Boy turned his nose up at Starfire's offering and skulked off, deciding to exercise his skills in a game of solitaire by the window. 

*******

"So, what are we making?" Cyborg asked, a little spittle slowly making its way down his chin. 

"Garlic Stuffed Mussels. It's supposed to be real easy to cook. I was thinking that everyone would help…am I correct in assuming so?"

Following that question came a reply in the form of vigorous nodding of the heads that were assembled. Marie smiled benignly and rapidly flipped to a page in a gigantic cookbook entitled: "Seafood for Seafarers." 

"Okay, people!" She shouted in a drill sergeant voice. "I want all of the following ingredients rallied on this counter on the double!" she pointed to a list of food, and there was a hustle and bustle around the pantry and by the sink as everyone rushed to gather everything. In about five minutes, Marie was flicking off items on a checklist.

"6 lbs. of Fresh Mussels?" 

"Check!" giggled Starfire as she poked at a particularly large mussel huddled in the bottom of the pot.

"19.5 oz. of Butter?" 

"Check!" hollered Cyborg from the sink as he washed the greasy "low"-fats from his hands.

"7 cloves of Garlic, crushed?"

"Check." Muttered Raven, pointing to a mound of garlic that she had literally blown to smithereens with her powers. 

"3.5 oz. of white breadcrumbs?"

"Check!" said Robin, chin in hand, finger swirling around a little pile of doughy dust. Marie smacked the gloved hand and went back to the clipboard.

"Chopped Parsley?" 

"Check!" Terra grinned and started playing around with the little flecks of green leaf, pretending them to be mini Beast Boys. Marie gritted her teeth.

"1 ¾ lemons?" 

"Check!" Terra said again, holding up a lemon and three-quarters and puckering her lips in a kiss. 

Marie rolled her eyes and yelled, "ATTEN-_TION_!!!"

The Titans halted whatever they were doing, stood stiff and awaited their next command. 

"Alright, you turds, time to show these mussels whose din-din they really are! I want those mussels prepared, the butter melted, the gar—Yes, ma'am?!"

Starfire let her hand drop and asked, "How does one go about preparing a mussel? Shall I enforce weight-lifting exercises?"

Terra snickered and pretended to blow a whistle and throw towels on the pot of shellfish. Marie glared at her and turned to Starfire. 

"Naw, Star, these guys aren't seagull warriors or anything…Maybe I should just show everyone what to do…?" There was a murmur of consent and Marie sighed. 

"Alright, alright. Okay, you gotta make sure they're alive, first." She tapped the mussels and watched as they each closed, protecting themselves from the Titans' monstrously ravenous appetites. 

"Scrape off any foreign bodies that are living on the shell." Marie took a sharpened knife and started hacking away at the dense layer of barnacles clustered all over it. 

"Don't forget to leave them in the water while you're doing that. Now, you have to pull out all the dark hairs that look like a beard growing from the sides." Marie plucked at the little frizz until the shell was clean and then drained the pot, dumping a load of mollusks on the newspaper. 

"Okay guys, roll up your sleeves, because it's time to get dirty!" 

Terra was happy to hear they were working with dirt and was the first to follow directions. 

__

Probably because she's a worthless mound of dirty shit. Marie thought, in vicious remembrance of her pink-ified room. 

Raven was the only one to decline, claiming that she'd rather make use of her powers. 

Marie started removing the upper shell of the mussels and throwing them in the trashcan. Then she pulled over the glass dish and started arranging them in a circular pattern. Everyone did it in their own little way:

Starfire aimed and fired tiny starbolts at the "hinges" of the shells to pop them open. 

Robin was flinging birdarangs in rapid succession at the shells.

Cyborg was using an assortment of little contraptions, can openers, pliers, and tweezers attached to his mechanical arm.

Terra was cracking the mussels open by banging them with the pebbles from the bottom of the pot. 

Raven was levitating ten mussels at a time with sable-tinged effulgence and popping the bivalves in two, like lids off tubs of butter. 

Once the mussels were residing in their happy new grave, Marie ordered for the butter to be melted in a bowl, which Cyborg abruptly set to work on. After that was through with, Terra and Raven added their parsley, lemons, and garlic to the bowl, watching the extra salty glob of fatty oils swim together with the juices and herbs and combine into one mouth-watering mixture. 

Raven watched the bits of Terra's inferior parsley paddle along in the bowl, and they suddenly became enveloped in her coal-black light. Rising into the air, they hovered ominously, which ceased as Terra waved her hand and made them plop back into the sauce with a tiny splatter. The two glared at each other for a moment.

"Flying parsley, huh? Now that's a new one…" Mused Marie genially as the two girls turned away from each other. 

"At least I can chop things up without using my powers." Terra bragged in a haughty whisper.

"At least the word "Garlic" is in the name of the recipe…" Raven triumphantly muttered under her breath. 

"From my observations, I think that our dressing has completed its stages of brewing. Shall I pour the mixture over the crustaceans, friend Mar—er—Sepia?" Starfire asked, hands clasped and eyes alit. Marie, of course, obliged, and Starfire daintily held the bowl by the ladle and spread a thick layer over the seafood. 

Robin started sprinkling the crumbs over the mussels, to which Starfire chimed, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat!" 

"Where did you learn that?!" Robin asked, astounded.

"Beast Boy told me to say it." She said, puzzled by her own words.

"I'll kill that little monkey…"

"O-_kay_, now all that's left is to grill this baby! And with all the technology in this Tower, I'm assuming you have a grill?"

"Actually, I have one built in!" And with that, Cyborg produced a foldable grill from the side of his arm. Marie laughed and slid the mussels one by one onto the metal. There was a little sizzle as the mussels turned golden brown and crisped on the edges. The garlic brought out the mussel juices, and the lemon oozed out in fountains of flavoring. The aroma was warm, inviting, and smelled of the Mediterranean. Marie set them back on the glass plate and placed it on the newspaper.

Starfire set out the paper plates, plastic forks, napkins, and Dixie cups on top of the newspaper tablecloth while Marie dumped a whole container of Hershey's Chocolate Syrup into a pitcher and started stirring in the whole milk. 

Raven levitated a few candles from the cupboard onto the counter and lit them with a dark fire, casting an ashen glow over the room. Robin looked at her oddly, "It's her first dinner here." was all he got for a reply. 

"She hasn't been doing anything lately, has she?" Robin whispered in Raven's ear.

__

She froze a swell, Robin. Forty-footer, complete with minnows and all. Raven thought.

No way?! What about the salt?!

She can overcome that. Her powers came from the serum that Veiktra LabCorp. injected in her food. They tried to capture her to analyze, but she ran away. 

So what's with this "Sepia" name-thingy?

She doesn't trust Terra, and doesn't want her to know her real name, so she's sticking with that.

WHAT?! I don't believe this! You've been talking to her, haven't you?

No, I haven't. And if you make one false move and spill, I swear, I'll hunt you to the ends of the universe. She has a right to her own privacy, Robin. If she feels that way, then let her be…

Marie set the pitcher in the middle of the counter and everyone pulled up a stool. Robin sat at the head, Raven at the other end, alone and unaffected, Starfire was huddled next to Robin, Cyborg opposite Starfire, Terra in between Marie and the hulking mass of metal. Only then did they realize that one of their company had fallen short. 

"Where the hell is Beast Boy?" Marie asked…and rapid chaotic communication ensued:

"What did we go over in the café about using profanity?"

"I dunno, probably moping in his room because his beloved tofu is past the expiration date."

"That because I am now a Titan, I must adhere to Robin's ridiculous code of chivalry."

"Yeah, he'll come out sooner or later."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you about becoming a Titan: There's another thing that you have to do."

"Anyone think we should go up and get him?"

"What do you mean 'Another thing?'"

"Nah. He's only feeling left out of all the fun."

"Well…you see…there's this thing…"  


"Ummm…Robin, save it for later, I'm hungry." 

And the talking stopped. 

Which made Marie aware of the hectic fashion the Titans lived their lives. Everyone's conversation overlapping, people doing whatever and suddenly being called out of video-game mode and into the real crime-fighting action, and above all, growing up. Terra seemed to be used to it a lot more than she was. But of course, she was only thirteen, and everyone else was at least a year or two older. 

The talking started again as Beast Boy came in, scratching his head and yawning after taking a much-needed rest. He poked his head into the fridge and began searching.

"Solitaire finally put the snooze on you, huh?" Cyborg asked, purposely tearing at a very _large_ portion of mussel meat. 

Beast Boy winced at the carnage he saw before his eyes and turned from the seafood feast back to the tofu tracking. "No, just decided to take a nap, woke up from all the noise. I didn't know you were making dinner out of those poor guys."

"What'd you think we were doing? Adopting them as pets?" Marie asked, and chugged a Dixie full of chocolate milk.

"If I'd known that you were going to eat them like that, I would've let you guys get locked out and fried by the lasers…see how you like to be cooked and dressed." He had his hands on the top of the fridge door and his deep green eyes were angled in a glare at them. 

"Beast Boy, I think the tofu is calling you. Can you hear it?" Terra mumbled between bites of mollusk.

He scowled and flung open the crisper, where he stored his precious imitation food. He took out a carton, set it on the marble countertop by the sink, stripped off the plastic top, tipped it upside down on a plate and waited. There was a "SP-LOOCH!" as the chunk of tofu slid out from its packaging and onto the plate. Beast Boy grabbed a plastic spoon from the basket, threw away the wrappers and sat down at the counter. 

Cyborg looked at him disgustedly as he began to shovel the protein-rich soy extract down his throat. "You know, someday you'll be sitting there, giving us all the Universal Sign for choking, and I'm gonna laugh."

Beast Boy shrugged and continued to stuff his mouth.

Raven looked at the garlic-smothered seafood with avaricious eyes and started to help herself to another serving. The candlelight flickered and cast shadows of incubus-like silhouettes upon the walls. Marie noticed this and got up to fetch Raven a cup of her Herbal Tea. 

Returning with a steaming china trinket, she placed it in front of Raven, "Boy, aren't you hungry today?" 

Raven replied with a suspicious glance and sniffed at the teacup. "Has this been fixed?" she asked, cupping her hands around the base. 

"No." Marie said simply. "And there's nothing in my head to find anyway, so mind reading won't help. And no, I didn't spike it, either."

"You think that garlic is my favorite?" Raven asked, sipping the scalding gingery liquid.

"Well, naturally. You've been picking a lot of the garlic off the mussels and taking second and third helpings."

"People have a right to eat. This is a free country."

"Raven?! Declaring America a FREE COUNTRY!!??!!" Cyborg exclaimed with mock disbelief. "What happened to eerie, mysterious Raven, who keeps the theology in mind that everything in life comes with a price?!" Cyborg laughed, then groaned, clutching his stomach. There was a metallic rumble as his stomach grumbled in protest to the amount of mussels that he had eaten.

"Including consumption. Your price is indigestion." Retorted an invariable Raven. 

Starfire brightened and asked in a peppy voice, "Shall I administer my Tamaranian assimilation serum in the luscious flavor of the Harfavian Icki-uk fruit?"

"NO!!!" yelled Cyborg, and he leaped from his stool and fled to the bathroom. 

Beast Boy laughed and nearly DID give the Universal sign for choking, but he just kept downing the tofu.

Terra spoke up, "So, Sepia, what kind of power do you got? Anything like mine?"

"What _ARE_ your powers, anyway?" Marie asked firing the question back at her.

"Oh! Um—me? I move rocks…" Terra proved her point by cracking a corner off the marble countertop. 

Robin started yelling at her, "WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT—?!"

"—Alright! Alright!" Terra sighed and let the slab fall to the floor with a mighty crash. Raven lifted a finger and made the marble mold with the rest. 

Terra was about to crack. _Raven, you damned show-off…_She reverted to her questioning, "So, what do _YOU_ do? Make monkeys sing, or something?" 

Beast Boy muttered something that sounded significantly like, "Animal Cruelty" under his breath.

"No, I control water and sand." Marie said, folding her hands in front of her, she pointed her thumbs to the ceiling. A spurt of sand erupted from one, and a little gush of water came from the other like a miniature geyser. 

"Two little cocks sitting on a wall. One named Peter, the other named Paul." Muttered Beast Boy. 

Raven heard him. _Lucky you didn't use the d-word. And I thought it was supposed to be blackbirds._

Dude, does it matter?

"Watch it. I just cleaned in here." Came Robin's mild reprimand. 

Marie nodded her head and watched as the puddle of water and the pile of silt were absorbed back into her skin. 

Terra rolled her eyes and decided to change the subject, "So, anyone up for desert?"

Beast Boy looked up from his plate and exclaimed aloud, "LET'S HAVE TOFUTTI!!!" He grinned, jumped from his seat and started to tear apart the fridge. 

Robin started snickering, "Beast Boy, do you even know what tofutti is?!"

"No, but listen dude, if it's got tofu in it, then it MUST be Vegan!"

"You may sample some of my own Tower-made confectioneries!" Starfire squealed happily. 

Marie shuddered at what that might be…

"Um, no thanks, Starfire, I think that I should be watching my weight, so…"

Robin snorted, "Well, I'm outta here." He grabbed him BO Staff that was propped up under the table and started to depart.

"Friend Robin, may I acquire your whereabouts later on?" Starfire piped.

Robin looked at her, "You can come, Star, I'm not trying to hold you back."

"Well isn't that obvious?" queried Beast Boy, "Robin would NEVER hold Star back. Lil' Robby-Poo has had a wet dream! Who knows? He might get an erection if Star keeps following him around like a bloodhound!"

Robin whirled around and smacked Beast Boy square in the nuts with his Staff.

"HOLY SHIT!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!?!" Beast Boy was clutching his groin in pain, and the girls were in hysterics. 

"What do you expect? You've been teasing Robin about puberty all day. I'd be surprised if you don't get a _permanent_ erection from taking _that_ hit." Raven was almost amused. 

"Bet you'd like that, huh, Rae-Rae?" Beast Boy crooned. 

Raven turned on him with stormy eyes. In a rage, she flung Beast Boy at the fridge and slammed the door shut on his you-know-what. 

"AIIIEEE!!!" Beast Boy was trying to get free of the death grip. "Raven! _Please_?! It was only a _joke_! I'm not Jewish, here! _Dude_! I DON'T BELIEVE IN CIRCUMCISION!!!" he was easing out now. 

Raven glared at him harder, "You should relish being in there. All your time spent searching for food," and the magnet strips on the door were suddenly attracted to each other even more as Beast Boy's genitals were being crushed between. 

Marie was starting to think this was going too far. Beast Boy was in real pain…(A.N.: Well, duh!!!) The others were laughing, all except Terra, who looked like she wanted to rip Raven's glowing eyes out. She was mumbling imprecations under her breath and clenching her fists. 

Marie put a hand on Raven's shoulder and tried to pull her away, but Terra intervened and launched herself at Raven, like a malicious, platinum-furred cat striking down it's sleek, dark-feathered prey. 

They were engaged in a nasty little fray, Terra using her nails, powers, brute strength, and dirty mouth; Raven using her powers, emotions, and martial arts dexterity. 

Beast Boy was released from the fridge as Raven lost her control over him and was flung against the wall. He and the others watched in awe as the two clobbered each other. 

Raven blasted the left lens in Terra's goggles, sending shards of plexiglass shattering on the blonde's face. Terra screamed as a piece sharp as a razor slit across her nose. Curses were being thrown as if she were spitting fire from her mouth. 

Raven ignored the words and started chanting her own, "Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!" The sofa came flying across the room and collided with Terra's arched back. 

Terra broke off a piece of the wall and hurled it at Raven, who, in turn, blocked it with the plasma screen TV. Cyborg came in, saw what had happened to his high-tech gadget, and whimpered. Raven was about to knock Terra out with the coffee table when Robin shouted, "TITANS! THAT'S ENOUGH!!! BOTH OF YOU UP TO YOUR ROOMS!!! **_NOW_**!!!" 

Raven became another murky contour and stealthily moved upstairs without a word of protest. Terra was indifferent to reasoning. 

"THE BITCH! SHE WAS TRYING TO HURT BEAST BOY!! WHY DO I GET SENT TO MY ROOM WHEN I WAS TRYING TO STOP THE DEVIL?!" She was fuming like a furnace, but Robin showed no favoritism, and pointed to the stairs. Terra stomped off, the steam still spouting from her nostrils and ears. 

"Maybe now would be the time for me to take my shower…" Marie murmured, still dazed by the brawl.

And she left the other four standing in a war-torn living room. 

*******

A.N.: Yes, I know Robin's a jackass for not Raven finish whipping Terra's butt, and yes, I know that what Raven did was sick beyond imagination, and NO I know no reviewers who have REVIEWED this chapter!!! 

I-NEED-FEEDBACK-PEOPLE!!! TELLLLLL MEEEE SOMMMMEEETHIINNGGG!!! AANNNNYYYTHINNNGG!!! Pretty please with a cherry on top of layers of endless chocolatey fudge and vanilla ice cream? Thank you for hearing me out. 

Technically, if you translate L'ail A Bourré des Moules back into English, it would read the garlic stuffed with grind, so it should really be, "L'ail A Bourré des Mollusques."

If anyone's interested in the recipe, (which I doubt) here it is. I had to modify it to fit all seven of the Titans…

_ ****_

Garlic Stuffed Mussels

Serves 7

****

Ingredients:

6 lb. Fresh mussels

19.5 oz butter

7 cloves of garlic-crushed

3.5 oz fine white breadcrumbs

Chopped parsley

1 ¾ lemons

****

Method: 

Prepare and open mussels. 

Remove the top shell from each mussel and arrange the bottom shell and flesh in a dish. 

Melt the butter, add crushed garlic, parsley and lemon juice. 

Pour over the mussels. 

Sprinkle fine white breadcrumbs on top and grill until golden brown.

Oh yeah, next chapter, Marie takes her shower, and Robin explains this "Thing" that he mentioned at dinner.

Go no farther, stranger, until you REVIEW my godforsaken story!!! PLEASE!!!??? I'm be-he-gginnnggg!!!! You can pelt me with my Panamanian Cocoa beans all you like! I'm just DYING for feedback!!!

Peace out ppl. 


	11. Showering Threats

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Eleven: Showering Threats

She pulled on the knob until a faint "click!" met her alert ears. (A.N.: Yes, I know that none of the doors in Titans' Tower have knobs, but just use your imagination for now.) A bundle securely fastened inside of a towel, she softly padded her way down the hall, her bare feet making hardly a sound on the carpeted floors. Discreetly, she managed to pass by a forbidden door undetected…or so she thought. There came a tumultuous "THUD!" from within, and she scampered away from the deafening noise to a safe haven, a refuge, a place where only one may enter and only one may exit…

Marie had just come from her room on the way to the bathroom. After witnessing Terra and Raven's struggle in the living room, she had returned upstairs to find Terra making large scars and graffiti marks on the concrete walls of her cell—er—room. 

They bore the message: "I WILL KILL THAT BITCH!" It only took a fraction of cerebral tissue to discern just exactly who that "BITCH" was. 

Marie had sat on the edge of Terra's old bed by the window, her original sleeping quarters having already been occupied by one incensed girl. 

The choleric blonde had turned to the cautious brunette and asked in an irate voice, "Who the hell does that bitch think she is, anyway!? Knocking Beastie around like that!" 

"You know that we're not supposed to curse…" came the muttered reply. 

"To HELL with Robin and his fucking little virtues! What do you think?! Was I right in kicking Raven's ass, or what?!"

"Umm, I think Raven won that bout, Terra—" the petulant prep was starting to redden in the face, "—but that's not to say that you suck at whipping other people's—er—butts or anything!" Marie grinned neurotically and watched as Terra gave her a look-over. 

__

God, that's the fourth time today…She thought, remembering her first encounters with the Titans, Twista, Mr. Bromble, and now Terra with the look-overs. 

She leaned against the wall, and her back nudged the windowsill. Terra saw the apprehension in her motions and sprang off the bed and stared the girl in the eye. 

__

I left home to be cornered by a homicidal blonde? Marie thought. 

"I don't give a damn about all that fake praise for ass-kicking! Just tell me this: Who do you think was in the right? That bitch—or ME?!" 

Marie started slipping her head out of the window inch by inch until she could turn her head enough to stare at the 50 ft drop onto solid pavement below. She gulped, If only I could raise the tide to meet the sill…

__

Yeah, and flood the floors below you while you make your getaway out the waterlogged window! Spoke her conscience's first voice. 

__

Don't be a fucking idiot! No one will care! All you'd have to do is slip out and step into the water…taunted the second voice.

Yeah, and I'm SURE Cyborg won't worry if he gets rusted over! And Beast Boy won't give a damn if his fur gets soaked before he can turn into a marine animal! And Starfire won't care if all her pudding goes to waste!

Hey, that stuff is like slushed mercury! Or shit that's been mixed with radioactive toxic waste!

Shut-up, it's the damned thought that counts…And Robin won't worry about all the lawsuits and property damage and the bitchy reporters shoving their asses in his face! And Raven won't mind if she nearly drowns in that reservoir while she's meditating! And then Terra…

Oh yeah, Terra…

Terra at the moment had been watching the thoughts of this girl whirl about in her head while waiting impatiently for an answer.

"WELL?!" her eyes were gleaming devilishly. 

"I think that BOTH of you were in the wrong!" and Marie had flung herself off the bed beside her drawer where she swiftly gathered a few toiletries, encased in a plain, white towel, and quietly slipped out before Terra could give chase. 

And she had made her little voyage to the lavatory, (A.N.: As described in the first part of this chapter), and now she found herself before a reinforced steel door with a little sign attached to it. Marie leaned in closer and squinted to read the Crayola scribbled on a piece of loose-leaf paper: 

Welcome to the toilet/can/commode/crapper/pot/potty/stool/throne/lavatory/lav/facility/john/privy/ bathroom/head/shitter. 

Marie laughed softly and placed her hand on the keypad. Beast Boy must have stuck it on there when he went up to take his nap. The door slid open and she stepped on the black-and-white tiles on the floor, reminding her of Raven's narration of Mad Mod's escapade and his creepy hypnotism. 

Marie unraveled her towel filled with general showering items: A bar of Dove soap, Pantene Pro V shampoo, a toothbrush, Crest Toothpaste, (A.N.: Get the Crest thingy? Crest of the wave? Nevermind…), her change of clothes, and a hand towel. 

She stepped in front of the mirror and opened it to find the cabinet teeming with the Titans' things. Terra had recently crammed her own stuff into the tiny cabinet. 

__

Hmm. Time to do a little investigating…Marie thought mischievously. 

She started going over the labels of a few assorted bottles. Carefully taking them down from the shelves, she wrapped them in her towel and read in a whisper to herself…

"Arnold's Best Buff After Shave?!" Marie looked at a small, turquoise bottle and uncorked it. She took a whiff and quickly drew the bottle away, making a face. "Yep, that's the governor of California, for you…right after his workout...Ugh, I wouldn't wonder that Cyborg would use this stuff. After all those Terminator movies…"

She carefully placed the glass bottle back in its place and glanced at the assortment of Cyborg's hi-tech razors. "Good Lord! Those things look like butcher's knives! Cyborg wouldn't even need his freakin' cannon with all this stuff!"

Robin had several shaving apparatuses himself, but then there was the deodorant…"Odorlessly Hunky: Reduces B.O. and Leaves you Feeling Energized…huh, more like testosteronized…I wonder if BO Staff stands for…Body Odor?…Nah…"

Marie moved on down the line and saw Beast Boy's hairball medicine, "Mike Myers' Hairball Regurgitating Serum…Mike Myers? As in, The Cat in The Hat Myers?…Take once daily, by way of the nasal passage…once serum has been inhaled, take one dose through oral passage, esophagus, etc., making sure that serum exits through anus by ingesting tofu-based…EW!!! No wonder Beast Boy is such a jerk, he gets high all the time on this crap…" she laughed and set the plastic bottle back. There was flea powder also and heart worm vitamins. Marie shuddered, "Beast Boy has _fleas_?! Maybe not, maybe that's just in case…hopefully…"

Next, there was a row of fuschia, pink, and rose-colored bottles. It was obvious these belonged to Starfire. Marie giggled as she read the labels, "Wrinkle refiner?! Since when does Star need that?!…Bubble-gum Shampoo…Watermelon liquid soap…Breast Enhancer Gel!!!???!!! Oooo-_kay_, I think I've seen enough of Starfire's stuff…what if she uses it on her _eyes_?! Maybe _that's_ why they're so big…Naw, can't be…after all, she's not stupid…"

Browsing over the assorted toothbrushes, she found each of the Titans' names written in magic marker on the handles. Robin's was red, Starfire's a combination of pink and orange stripes, Cyborg's was electric blue, Terra's was yellow—the handle, not the bristles, and Beast Boy's was green. 

Terra's belongings were normal, nothing unique. But there was a grey box in the corner…

Marie slung it in her towel, careful not to spread fingerprints on the paraphernalia of the critical Titans. The metal container had about eight different latches on it and had black painted designs like little enigmas or cryptic spells. Marie knew it belonged to Raven, and that all the locks were extra precautions to prevent an ace lock-picker like Robin, Cyborg, or herself from getting to her things. "Whatever's in there must be pretty spooky. I wonder if the carvings are some kind of curse?" Marie laid this box back in its original location with extreme caution, handling it as if it were a nuclear bomb. 

She silently closed the cabinet door and stepped on the furry white rug beside the tub. Slipping off her chiffon garments, Marie turned the hot water knob on and pulled the shower curtain—covered in gigantic T's—back, revealing the T-shaped non-slip stickers at the bottom. 

The hot water stung, and was immediately sucked into Marie's skin. "Augh! That's hot!" she started rubbing her skin in pain and pointed a finger at the drain. She watched as the warm water poured from her hand. 

"I have gotta get control of these damned powers…Man, what do I need to turn the water on for? With me around, we could cut back on the water bill!" she thought about it as the water oozed out of the spout. "Hours and hours of juicing the sinks, toilets, sewers…Maybe I should just save the rough stuff for the crooks…" and with her mind made up, she started reflecting back on Terra and Raven's fight. 

"Raven's cool, and I've only just met Terra. I shouldn't judge her right away…I don't know the whole story…and then there was my room…argh…then she starts plastering crap on the walls about killing Raven…and she gets real violent whenever people try to pull something on Beast Boy…Benefit of the doubt?…_Sure_…I dunno…I guess I still have to live with her more before I can decide what my opinion of her is…" 

Marie lathered up and washed the gyrating foam off. "Geez, that vinegar stuff still there?!" She soaped up again and scrubbed. Then she leaned over to grab the shampoo and noticed something on the cold water knob…what was it? It looked like…a _LENS_?! "**ARGH!!!**" Marie snatched at the planted camera and started flushing it with her powerful water assaults. "Ugh…duh…camera…in the shower…waterproof…" She took it up in her hand and stared at it… "Those assholes better not be watching this live…" Came her deathly grave whisper. Marie slammed the piece of Cyborg-manufactured machinery against the tiled walls and watched with satisfaction as it smashed into a million pieces and got washed down the drainage. 

She went back to her shampooing, massaging her scalp, still sore from the knockout blow given to her previously by Raven. Running her fingers through her hair, then rinsing the strands of chestnut tresses free of the suds, and finally just standing under the showerhead idly, letting the liquid flow around her and relaxing in its steady stream. "This is my kinda meditation…" 

Marie closed her eyes and imagined the gigantic swell she had conjured at the beach; thought of how difficult it was to summon the concentration and confidence to stop it; thought of the mussels; thought of Starfire and her fish eye find; but most of all; thought of the wave itself. Its hand-shape, grasping in the air, trying to reach for something. Oddly enough, its menacing presence could not be removed from her mind. No matter how hard she tried to stomp it out, the mere image lingered in the back of her introspection, pressing at her like an augury of something sinister…

And then came a raspy, pernicious voice out of no where: 

__

I know your anguish. Let me talk to you. Let me help you. I can help to ease the pain…

Marie shook her head and slapped herself, abruptly switching off the knobs and flinging the curtain open. 

__

What was that fucking voice? It better not be some perverted trick from Cy and Beast Boy again. What if there was a microphone planted there, too?

She then dried off hurriedly in the towel, dressed in her spare clothes, and ran outside…

__

I can see you running. Stop avoiding your problems. Stop running away. You'll never get anywhere without my help. I can help to ease the pain…

"You psycho! Whoever the hell you are, just get the fuck outta my head!" She dashed down the hall.

Somehow, the distracting, devious comments of Terra seemed comfortingly appealing to her just then. 

*******

A.N.: Augh! Yes, I know that last chapter I said I was going to tell you guys about that special "Thing" Marie would have to do now that she's a Titan, but I can't write anymore…I have to go to sleep…--_-- Look at me!!! I'm so very tired…Okay, I promise to tell about Robin's "Thing" tomorrow afternoon. I'll try and write some at school, if I have the time, and you'll all be happy. And so will my Panamanian Cocoa beans. 

And I know that it seems like the Titans haven't been fighting any villains for a while, but this sort of lazy crooks thingy will be explained next chapter, as well as the JCPD "hierarchy," my own compilation of villains in Robin's database, including the originals, and several other things…You must understand that the time lapse thing will be explained NEXT chapter, okay? 

And just what the hell was the camera doing in the shower? Was it Cyborg and Beast Boy? And what the fuck is the voice? And why does it keep saying Marie has problems? And just WHAT the hell is in Raven's grey little box, and why is it covered in markings?

Okay, the only thing I have left to say is: REVIEW MY STORY!!! Oh geez, u have no idea how many OTHER ideas I have for fanfics. I'm just itching to get them posted, except I don't want to start for fear that I'll lose track of updating!!! Weeeeelllllll, I'm trusting in you to review, so PLEASE do! Thanks for reading! *Blows little kisses to audience, beans are thrown at her*

OWWWW!!!! Good Lord, I go and post another chapter, and people try to stone me to death with beans?! What kind of gratitude is that?!

*Reviewers dash onto stage and clean off beans*

That's more like it! Thank you for respecting the beans and me! Well, I can guarantee you another chapter tomorrow! Good Night!!!

Peace out ppl. 


	12. A Brief Briefing and a Little Cheating

A.N.: Geez, you know how last chapter I said that I would update tomorrow? Well, I last update was March 30, 2004…Let's see…and today would be April 30, 2004, right? Alright, here's what happened. I opened my locker on 03/30/04, and suddenly, WHOOSH! Some freaky worm hole just materializes outta nowhere and now I'm here! One month later! Yeah, weird, huh?

You guys might find this chapter more boring than the others, cuz it's real long and might not hold your interest that much. I have a few perverted jokes here, and if you're some old granny who's faint of heart, then I recommend that you not read them. I mean, c'mon, people! They're not that nasty! 

Anywho, here are my Shout-outs, peoplez!…:

To Suzaku's Rose: Wow! I'm SOOOOOOO glad that you like my story! So far, I counted 11 reviews in all! Waytago, Lynn! I'm so proud of this little fic! Here's another chapter! And tell me which pairings you like! 

~NNBBSS

To CC: Alright! I got another reviewer, and it's from YOU! One of the authors from my Favorite Authors List!!! I'm so happy you thought my story was, "a real hoot!" And I've resolved to change my summary every time I post a new chapter. And I still cannot say THANK YOU!!! enough to show my THANKFULNESS!!! that you dedicated a chapter to me!!! ^_^

~NNBBSS

Disclaimer: I do not own them. That Sam-I-Am! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. Nor do I like eating mass quantities of tofu and soymilk. So blame Beast Boy for the mass outbreak of diarrhea.

Chapter Twelve: A Brief Briefing and a Little Cheating

"Dude, I swear, those two pussies are SO washing the dishes tonight!" Beast Boy wiped his brow and picked up the third leg, now severed, of the sofa. He stuffed it in a black contractor clean-up bag and sighed. The living room was in tatters.

The girls had shredded everything. The PS2 was blown into a pile of ashes, the plasma screen 72" TV had been smashed by the ceiling, the sofa had been emptied of its cotton stuffing and rusted springs, the fridge was lying on its side—the contents of which had been devoured by Beast Boy—and one man's anus was in excruciating agony.

Starfire poked her head out from a mound of fluffy, white, cottony threads and smiled, "Do not worry, Beast Boy! I am sure our friends will eventually assist in purging the room from this untidiness! They are only reviving the happiness within them. Raven and Terra will be ecstatic to hear that we intend to have them scour the dishes!" Starfire continued plucking the stuffing from the carpet.

Beast Boy rolled his eyes. Starfire enjoyed helping out a little too much. 

Cyborg was in mourning beside the plasma and the PS2. He was sobbing and blowing his nose rather loudly into a light blue hanky and wouldn't stop asking, "Why!? Why!? Why did this happen!?" 

Robin stuck his BO Staff underneath the fridge and pushed a secret button. The staff extended automatically as if it were a car jack, and the fridge was elevated to an upright pose. Robin scratched his head. Now the question was how they were going to get the seven-foot, two-ton freeze box back against the wall where it belonged. 

He sighed. Raven had never been on good terms with Terra. Their personalities were completely opposite, ensuring that their interests would clash. Terra was a vibrant, fun-loving hussy, who was always trying to crack a joke or fit in. 

Raven, on the other hand, was the cool, composed girl. Never displaying her emotions unless they overpowered her aplomb and balance. She was a natural-born genius, and took her only pleasures from reading books and devouring the information they had to offer. She despised anything that disrupted her peace, and preferred to keep silent unless her voice or opinion on matters was required. Demanding respect she was revolted by the irony of pranks and jokes, and turning on enemies with an ardent revenge, Raven was not the kind of girl you would normally mess around with. 

Robin sighed again. He would have to prepare himself _and_ the living room for future brawls. There was no making them get along…

And then there was this new girl. She seemed intelligent herself. But this, Marie, was it? This Marie had shown up on their doorstep, actually LIVING in their Tower!—right after the bridge had collapsed. How could they trust her after something like that? 

They hadn't even run any checks on the status and location of the person responsible for the demolition…

What if she could control the bridge and the whole setup was just a decoy to let the H.I.V.E. escape? It was possible…

And what had Raven gotten so upset about earlier? The two had come downstairs looking like good friends…

And then when he had asked Raven why Marie had chosen the name Sepia. She had threatened him no to spill the beans. Why would both of them hate Terra so much?

Had Raven really joined up with the dark side like Beast Boy claimed? But Beast was only doing it in rage…Nothing serious…

Nothing to do with Slade…

They were going to have a little talk…

And then there was the malfunctioning door…the girl had had enough time to reside in their home and alter the system…

But then there was the food…

Robin's stomach growled, still complaining of emptiness and desiring more of dinner. 

WAIT!!! What if she had poisoned the food? What if she had gotten rotten mussels? After all, Cyborg had been ill shortly afterwards…but no one else was. Cyborg was a robot, and maybe the food was acting up on his system… Perhaps the symptoms varied between them?

Robin gave his head a vigorous shake to clear it. He had remembered something he was supposed to do. "Anyone seen Marie?"

"She went to wash that vinegar crap offa her, remember?" Beast Boy said, sitting down to rest by the counter. "YEOW!!!" He jumped up again, clutching his rear.

"I thought it was only your dick that hurt, Beast…" Cyborg commented, finally pulling out of weeping. 

"It hurts all over!" he rubbed his buttocks and growled, "Raven, you are SO dead…"

Robin ignored Beast Boy's moans and complaints and started up the mile-high stairs. _We really need to install an elevator… or an escalator at least…_

*******

Marie was huddled in the corner of her bed, eyes wide, still meditating on her thoughts from the shower. What had Poseidon's hand meant? And why was she getting so many forebodings from this mystery? And who owned that weird voice? 

She turned tentatively to face a pouting Terra. The girl had a furrowed brow and her lips were curled back in an ugly frown. Her eyes threw daggers and shot lightning bolts at her graffiti messages.

__

Cree-py…Marie thought. _There is nothing in this world that will EVER—_

"KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!!!"

Her thoughts were interrupted by the thuds of a fist on the door. "Marie? Are you in there?"

"Who wants to know?"

"Can I come in? I need to talk to you." Robin was outside attempting to type in the code that would open it up. So far, he was unsuccessful. 

Marie went to the entrance and slapped her hand on a pad. The door opened, but only a sliver of her wan face was visible through the crack. 

"Hey, can I talk to you in there?" Robin was growing impatient. This girl was starting to turn out like Raven…always peering through cracks in doors…

"If you want to be victim of foul play, I suggest you stay and witness Terra's wrath."

Robin cocked an eyebrow and tried to get a glimpse past Marie at the so-called wrath of Terra, but Marie pushed him aside, stepped out and slid the door shut. 

"What is it?" She asked, rather harshly, as Robin noticed. 

"Remember what I told you at dinner?"

"About that 'thing,' isn't it?" Marie looked at him questioningly. _I wonder why he's always trying to get me to do things…_

"Yes. And it's very important—make that urgent…I have to talk to you." Robin fidgeted with one of the compartments attached to his utility belt and stared at the ground. He felt guilty for something…But what? He was only going to inform her of her duties as an aspiring member of the Titans. 

She was only thirteen. Only a freshette in High School. Only a blithe, insouciant, lighthearted girl in a world of destruction, blight, and plague. She was only supposed to do what was expected of her. 

He was only fourteen. Only a rugged, incisive, proficient young man of commandeering and gendarme. He was only informing her. Only dumping a load of crap on this fragile little kid who knew nothing of the pains of the real world. 

"Well, duh, haven't you already established that?" Marie rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. 

"Alone." His eyes started to dart around in apprehension. 

"No 'Team Meeting'?!" she feigned surprise. 

"No Team Meeting. This is serious. Y-you might get banned from the Titans if—well, just come with me…" His hands dropped to his sides. 

"Right. Lead the way." She gazed at the back of his inky black head as they filed through the dank, dreary metal hallways. 

__

What's up with him? And where did the entire gung-ho attitude leak? And why was he so hostile to me before? Geez, Cy was right, Robin seriously needs to lay off the hair gel…Looks like the Valdez oil spill… 

Marie's shoulders were shaking lightly as Robin stopped in front of his room. He went in, and gestured for her to enter when she hesitated. 

Robin felt much more composed in his own environment. This was his home turf. The qualms vanished in a whiff of smoke, and his resolute, dubious manner returned. 

Her first impression of his room was awe. There were millions of newspaper clippings, bagged evidence, collections of weapons, streamlined, supple costumes, and posters of Batman and the Titans. But most of all, there was a laminated photo of Slade tacked onto the wall by the edge of his bed. And what was more, there were several darts stuck in his nose, forehead, and mysterious eye. 

Marie finally understood that Robin was not some intrepid kid who launched himself headfirst into every crime scene he stumbled upon. Robin fought with honor and dignity. He was a solemn young man who held the theology that the only good criminal was a dead criminal. And judging from the photographs of his friends, there were no other people in the whole world for whom he would lay down his life for. 

Marie suddenly felt a surge of longing. She had friends with whom she hung out with, but never any that shared that deep a connection with her. If she were being murdered, would they be there to save her? If she were drowning, would they dive into the foreboding waters without question or a second's hesitation? The answer was simple and short. No frills, no thrills, no lengthy explanations. 

No. 

Her friends might be willing to help her cheat on the Health Test, but they would need a lot of persuading to even attempt going near a crime scene. 

She had a desire to devote herself to Robin's cause of justice. To be accepted as a protector, a server, a heroine to everyone. _But most of all, to fit in…_

She had remembered what a cop had once said to her old class during Career Day: "There are people who say that they would die for their mother, father, sister, brother, friend. They would die for the people they know and love and care about. But we are out there everyday dying for people who we don't even _know_…" Her chest was heaving with emotion. She was willing to save innocent souls from anything that got in her way…_ANY_thing. 

Robin took a breath and sat down on the bed. "You have to realize, that I'm not sure your capabilities will be efficient enough to pass the Sufficiency for Titans Admittance Test. In fact, I hope that you have at least some—" 

"—_TEST_???!!! What _test_!!!??? No one told me about any _test_!!!" Marie's visions of heroic deeds suddenly vanished like a whisper in the wind. She felt herself shatter into a million pieces, fall into a bottomless pit of disbelief, whirl endlessly in a swirling pattern…What was with this test? Every time she found something worthy of her interest and attention, it was always being ruined at the last minute…

"Well, naturally no one told you. I was just faxed a memo concerning the subject. It was just passed a few hours ago—"

"_A FEW HOURS AGO_???!!! What kind of city is this? Where you can just get laws passed in a few damned hours?!" 

"Marie. You're over-reacting. You have to understand this. I need you to be quiet while I explain. I can't be interrupted."

__

I swear, someday, I will be driven to vandalism of government policy files…More like a felony for assault on the mayor…

Grumbling, she sat down on the other end of the bed and faced him, nodding. 

"Alright. It may sound confusing, but here goes…

"First I must explain to you about Police Policy and the Hierarchy involved. Here, in Jump City, the Lieutenant governs nearly everything—"

"—What the _hell_ did they do with the Commissioner? I thought _he_ was the damned person to run all this fucking policing shi—Oops…"

Robin stared at her blankly, his mouth hanging open and his eyebrows plastered high on a formidable forehead. "What have I told you about cursing? And interrupting?"

Sighing, Marie folded her hands, crossed her ankles, and sat up straight, alert and focused. 

Robin continued, apparently pleased with her sudden change of attitude, "You see, the Lt. is related to Mayor Phukker. He's the mayor's fifth cousin quatrice removed on his mother's uncle's grandmother's cousin's father's side. The Mayor would do anything for the Lt., as long as it does not involve relinquishing any money from the Jump City Federal Bank. Commissioner Ahz-Hulle is a man with no backbone. He fears for his position. The Mayor has the power to devise a way to frame him for crimes such as fornication, and, considering that the Commissioner is paid nearly $2,000 and hour by the government, he is not in a hurry to resign. Therefore, the Commissioner/Chief of Police, although he resents his actions, allows the Lt. to run the show around here.

"The Lt. is a ruthless man who regards criminals and citizens alike. He rarely showers. You need to know this because if we win a battle and he gets there in time to see it, he will get in your face and try to intimidate you until your knees shake. So be sure to hold your nose or else face the consequences of breathing in a kickin' smell. He despises us and we despise him. Lt. Dickhed regards Jump City as his territory, and we are his rivals. He believes that organized crime should be left to the JCPD, and we toddlers are not granted control over as much as a simple matter of petty thievery. He doesn't even appreciate us condemning a mugger. We are left with rescuing stranded kittens that have braved the fastidious heights of neighborhood sidewalk trees, taking neurotically vicious strays to the pound, and apprehending careless litterbugs. 

"He tries to make our lives as hard as he possibly can." His voice went deathly calm, and his even intonation resonated with a shudder, "And now, things've just gotten a lot harder…"

Marie looked at him quizzically, and Robin gave an answer that made her heart skip around a mile and three blocks.

"You have to take a test. If you fail, you can _never_ be a Titan…He's just gotten word of your arrival, and he wants to prevent the team from getting larger. So, using his abnormally small yet evil cranium, he's devised an exam that will test your efficiency and skill. You're to take the test tomorrow morning and then undergo a health check. When was the last time you saw the doctor?"

"If I fail I don't get in!?" Her face was contorted with a rather speculating consternation.

"Answer my question."

"L-last December." She stuttered, still unsure of whether or not she was up to the task. 

"Then you'll have to let Cyborg scan you." Robin rubbed his chin thoughtfully. 

"_UNDRESSED_???!!!" Marie sprang up from the bed and placed her hands on her hips, standing there defiantly, and all thoughts of failing rapidly exited her bemused mind. 

"Calm down. I meant do a little scan. Nothing serious. Just to ensure that you're healthy. You _are_ in good shape, right?" Robin looked her over. _That's the fifth time…_

"Uh, it's not like I work out or anything…" she started nervously shifting from one foot to the other. Robin leaned over and pinched her arm…hard.

"OW! You motha effing jerk! What the heck was that for?!" she clenched the spot and rubbed it.

"To test body fat. You've got some meat on you. But no muscle. If you don't try your best, we're pushing you to the limit until you work on your physical composition. I'm serious about how well you can comprehend what they give you. They'll ask you typical questions, like who founded Jump City, civil conduct and laws, illegal items, and so on. We have a database compiled on everything that you need to know about—"

Robin paused and glanced around the room at his collection of masks swiped from Slade's robots. Everything was centered around that man…"—the villains…" there was a brief silence that followed, and Marie could feel the air thick with hatred.

"Robin?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Do you still doubt me?" the question sprang from her mouth like a gazelle, hesitant and gentle, but fleeting.

Without looking up, Robin asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Don't try to deny it. I've heard the way you talk about me. Like I'm some kind of escaped convict, or a renegade psychopath. You think I'm one of them, don't you?" 

Robin raised his head and met with a bittersweet face. Her eyes were mournful and vague, as if she were searching for something, yet she tried to muster the little cheer within her to create a smile…

"Alright, I admit it. At first—…" Robin stopped. 

How would she take what he had to say? 

"Marie—at first, I thought that the event on the bridge was set up so you could aid the H.I.V.E. in their escape. And then I thought that you were trying to poison us with the food…But then here I am and I find you getting along perfectly with everyone."

__

Everyone except you…She thought to herself. 

"Making a break-through to Raven and sharing her interests when most of us never bothered. And then allowing Terra to remain in your room—"

"—I didn't allow her, I was forced to!" Marie finally managed a grin. Her face had gone through a transformation: Her eyes were now dancing and amused. 

Robin noticed this, relieved that she wasn't sobbing her eyes out or making a scene out of it like Terra would. 

"I thought you might be, well, angry about what I said, but—"

"—But I'm not! Oh! Robin, I thought that you just plain hated me! Now…so, you don't hate me? Nobody here hates me?"

"Of course not! Well, maybe Terra…I dunno what's gotten into her…recently, she's been acting more dramatic than usual."

"Are you sure she hasn't been associating with _any_one?"

"Yeah, positive…you know, she's been eyeing Beast Boy lately. Think they'd make a considerable couple?" He winked at her, making her fidget. 

__

What about Raven?

"Ummm…I dunno…Somehow, gravel and nature don't seem to make that swell of a pair…Sort of a city girl-country guy clash…"

"I guess…" Robin started to drift off absently to cloud nine, floating amongst crisp, downy thoughts of his own…Mostly concerning one lively red-head…

"Robin?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Yes."

"You'll tell the _truth_, right? No dancing around the subject?"

"Of course!"

"Why was there a camera in the shower?"

"WHA—?!" Robin was astounded. 

"Cyborg put it there, didn't he? Do you guys peek in on the girls?" Marie was sober, no doubt about it. 

"Cy wouldn't do anything like that. Nor would Beast Boy. They may sound like sick jerks, but they only joke around. They're not perverts or anything. I know them well, and they definitely show respect for personal boundaries. I swear it. They wouldn't."

Marie was still skeptical as to the boys' innocence in the matter. Her thoughts trailed off towards the voice that had so rudely intruded upon her showering time. 

Should I tell Robin? She asked herself.

NO! He'll think you're schizophrenic and there's no way that a mentally challenged person is going to be a part of the Titans. 

But what if the voice WASN'T your imagination? What if it was some sort of mind-control thingy?

You mean like sending hypnosis waves through telepathy? It could happen…

Marie decided to drop her little conscience conversation and forget about the voice. 

"What about you? Do you try and get a look at Starfire's mammary glands?"

"Shut-up and be serious. You know that I wouldn't."

Marie laughed, "Right. I know how boys think. I bet you're sitting in your room with the monitors surrounding you and you say, 'Damn. That's one smooth slu—' er—never mind…" she trailed off slyly, and watched with satisfaction as Robin's face underwent one of his extremely rare transformations into tomato-juice red. 

"Maybe I should go over the procedures of the examination first?" he muttered threateningly. 

"Hmm? What's that? You wanna go over the steps of pre-menstrual syndrome first? Well…maybe you should brush up on your lap-dancing—I mean lesson planning with Star before telling me why PMS is essential to the test."

"No, really, I'm not in the mood for joking right now. Remember the consequences if you fail?" His masked eyes met her own. They were two white slits of sunlight seeping through a sea of murky blackness. 

Marie suddenly paled, dropping the smart-ass act and bit her lip, "What do I have to do?" she rasped._ Lord, why do I get all shaky when it comes to this effing test?_

"First, there's a bubble sheet for you to fill out. It's mostly the usual things, like name, gender, DOB, address, Nationality, school, grade-level, etceteras."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know about all that crap, we take bullshi—I mean, bitcha—I mean—oh, what the fu—dammit! Nevermind, I mean that we always take tests like that crap every year. I know all about the bubbly stuff. I'm talking about what happens when I wake up in the morning. Do any certified freaks in suits come to pick me up and take me to the ward or something?"

Robin stared with a stern look carving into his features for a moment, still dwelling on her futile attempts not to curse. Then he snapped back into reality, brushing off the stark admonition he had wanted to give her. 

"No, you just wake up, eat a BIG breakfast, wash up, get on the uniform you're wearing now, wait in the living room with everyone while they review you with questions until Cy pulls up with the car, and then we'll drive you up. Once you get there, they'll give us all visitors' Ids, tell us to go to some floor at the very top, make us sit in the waiting room for an hour-and-a-half, and then you go in."

"Wow, don't you have it narrowed down. Is that all? You guys don't get to come in and watch?"

"No, we'll be lounging in the lounge. Don't be surprised if the officers glare at you like you're rotting road kill or anything. The Lt. will have everything set up to make you sweat an ocean…And I don't doubt that you would—" she frowned at him, "—And the receptionist by the main desk at the ground floor will claim that the elevator's busted and make us climb all the way to the top, even though that's a white lie. Their elevators are always in working condition. 

"Oh, and another thing. When you get to the top, you might want to gather your wits, because you'll be exhausted out of your mind. Once you get in, I don't know WHAT they'll do to you besides the tests. One is a physical examination, the other is an answer-sheet, another is a written essay, and another is a physical endurance/power potency test. Those are all that I know of." Robin glanced at her. 

She yawned, stretching her arms and cricking a few joints. 

"Hold up, you said there's something for my powers?!"

"Yeah, why?"

"Robin, you dunce, I'm not ready for that shit yet! I can barely control them!"

"Ha, don't act so worried, you remind me of Terra. Besides, I saw you showboating your powers during dinner. You're fine."

Marie still had a handful of doubts, "Sure I am…" she muttered. 

"Come on…Raven told me about the wave…" he paused, searching her face for a reaction. 

"She did?! Well, then you also know that I almost fucked everyone up!!!"

Robin shrugged, "We're in danger all the time. Besides, if either Starfire or Raven wanted, they could've picked you up and flown out of harm's way. And watch your mouth."

Marie was stunned. "So you're saying that we could've gotten out of our little mess and I wouldn't've had to do all that?!" She started to feel a little churning of annoyance deep down in her guts. 

Robin cracked a grin, "Yeah. So?"

Something was rising inside of her. Marie did not like to be played…by **_ANY_**one. "_Bitches…all of them…_" she muttered under her breath. And then she suddenly remembered with a surge of guilt and remorse that she was swearing at the very people who had taken her in and befriended her…

"Oh." Was all she said aloud. 

There was a pause and she leaned back to stare at the clippings on the ceiling. The front page had been torn off the JC Times and had a picture of Starfire jumping off of a rather large cosmo-ship that was up in plumes of smoke and flames. Robin held her hand tightly as they plummeted to the ground. The headline read, "**_TAMARANEAN MAIDEN AND BOY WONDER ESCAPE FROM MISUNDERSTANDING WITH GORDANIAN POLICE_**" Marie stared at their hands, Starfire's slim fingers enclosed in the roguish green gloves belonging to Robin. _They SERIOUSLY need to get hooked up…_

"Robin, don't you think it's time you and Starfire got going? I mean, you're already fourteen, and the average life span of a human is 80. That's 66 years already wasted, man!"

"No, I think it's about time YOU got going on some of that studying of yours. Now come on." Robin leaped from his bed, "Let's _GO_…"

Marie sighed, "Alright, alright, I'm coming…" and then she got a wicked brilliant idea, "Can't I at least throw a dart at Slade's eye before we go?!"

Robin thought about this for a minute, turning and tumbling and analyzing the thought in his head; and then nodded, replying in a grave voice that seemed to ricochet off the metal walls, "Alright. Go ahead, give him your best shot."

__

Well, if she hates…that…son of a bitch as much as I do, there's nothing that will stop her from making this shot. We just have to see what she has to offer…If she doesn't make it…then she can kiss my ass for all I care…

Robin was tough, and when it came to Slade, he went over the edge. Marie had no idea what she'd gotten herself into…

Bending down to grasp one of the red-tailed darts, she could sense Robin's eyes boring into her skull as she turned. Suddenly, a bead of sweat slowly crawled down her forehead. _I'm getting worked up over a freaking dart? Come on, girl, pull yourself together. _

This had to be done with precision. Everything rested on one flick of the wrist. She needed perfect hand-eye coordination, velocity, agility, and most of all, confidence…

Robin wouldn't stop looking like the fate of the world rested on her shoulders. 

Dammit, he's making me nervous, the ass…

She raised her arm, slowly bringing the dart to shoulder level, and squinted at her target. Slade's repulsive eye seemed to glint at her. She tried to remember what she had learned from one of her friends…

Daggonnit, what did Justin say? Was it—fling your wrist straight and aim hard? Or something else? This is one of the weirdest tests I've ever taken. But he's fucking serious…Oh man…

Oddly enough, the muscles in her hand were flexing. Her fingers were anchored to the missile that would puncture Slade's eyeball. 

Then all at once she brought her hand back and flung the projectile at the photo with a mighty hurl. She held her breath as it soared, its streamlined figure slicing through the air…

__

C'mon! Oh, please, God, don't fail me now. I just need that godforsaken dart to make contact with his ugly old eye and I'm good to go…

It was in midair. It's path was straight and true. Robin's face seemed to almost light up with optimism. But…his skylight had been open. A draft blew in and stirred the ruby-red feathers on the back of the dart, sending it downward. The missile sliced through the paper at Slade's heart. 

Marie gaped. She was speechless…but her mind was filled with profuse profanity.

NO!!!GODDAMMIT NO!!! HELL NO! SHIT NO! FUCK NO! NO!!! Dammit, PLEASE NO!!! NO! NO!! NO!!! 

The slit's in Robin's mask narrowed. All other esteems and aplomb towards the girl vanished instantly. 

__

I guess she never had what it takes after all. He thought. What he said was, "You can go study now. All 112,890 pages of texts are beside the Main Computer Console. I'm sure everything at JCPD HQ will go swell…" He turned his back on her and stalked out of the room so fast, his cape billowed out behind him. 

Marie stared after his retreating back then turned back to Slade's malevolent face. Snarling obscenities under her breath she tore his face from the wall and stuffed him ruthlessly in one of the many pockets on her cargoes and trudged out of the room. 

In the Main Computer Console Room, (MCCR), she nearly tripped over herself at the sight of a mountain of paper almost as high as her hip. 

"Oh man! I am SO effing dead! Look how much shit I hafta study…" she flipped through a freshly stapled packet titled, "Jump City: A Historical Compilation from Founding Fathers to Modern Metropolis." It alone had over 300 pages. 

The MCCR was a large room, and served as both a storage area and technicians base for the tower. There were no chairs. And the desks were layered with speakers, cords, CDs, floppies, and who knows what else. Marie sighed deeply, scooped up the "recycled" papers and stormed out. 

"Wonder what time it is…" she wondered aloud, and craned her head over the stack at the digital clocks that were strategically placed in the corridors. 

****

12:01 A.M. Flashed one. And Marie's brain flashed: DAMN! "I gotta get a move on!" she moaned, and raced into the living room, searching for a relaxing place to concentrate. Stupid Move. Living Rooms are normally not very popular areas known for their allowance of concentration…

She flung herself at the spot where the sofa—er—_WAS_. She landed on the cold metal floor with a thud. The papers scattered to the far corners of the earth…

"Oomph! What the fu—?! Where in God's name is the couch?!" She turned to Beast Boy, who had about three bags of ice wrapped around his waist and between his legs. 

"Raven trashed it, remember?" Beast Boy winced and pointed to a large pile of black bags by the entrance. Two legs from the coach stuck out and stray pieces of cotton stuffing dotted the otherwise bare floors. 

"I see she trashed your testicles, too, huh?" Marie stared at the ice and laughed. 

"Yeah, well, you gonna trash this place over again, or what?" he leered.

Marie let a sheepish grin escape, and crawled around on her hands and knees to gather her two-ton study guide. It seemed to take forever…

*******

Meanwhile in the training room, where everyone else was gathered, Robin had waltzed in looking especially perturbed. (A.N.: Yeah, I know that 12 at night is a pretty funky time to train, but hey, who knows when a villain will strike? They hafta be prepared, people!)

"Yo, Robin! What's with the long face, man?" Cyborg queried. 

"Marie…" he started, then drifted off, not knowing how to phrase his turbulent thoughts.

"Ahh, you gave her the ole Fuck-Slade's-Eye-Up-With-A-Dart Test didn't you?"

Robin nodded and crossed his arms.

"And our most recent friend was unsuccessful, correct?" Starfire muttered, rather disappointed. 

Again, Robin nodded. 

"Man, you can't expect her to get everything right, you know. Shortie can't ace every test. Sheee-yit, she ain't even gotten the real thing yet…"

Robin gave him the what-damned-bitchass-point-have-I-stressed-so-fucking-often-about-bullshit-cussing? look. 

"What is—'Shortie'?" Starfire asked. Cyborg rolled his eyes and turned to Robin. 

"You didn't give her all that crap to look at, did you?"

"It was only 112,890 pages…I don't see a problem…"

Cyborg groaned, "C'mon Star, let's leave the Boy Wonder alone with his wacked conscience. And with that, the alien and the android walked out. 

*******

After returning to the MCCR, Marie was on the brink of exhaustion. So far, she'd only skimmed 801 ½ pages of text so boring, it was nauseating.

__

That's…112,088 ½ to go…

Marie gave a raging sigh that came out more like a wheeze, and tore up one of the stapled packets. Her brow came down to meet her dark eyes, and her bottom lip curled out in a pout. 

Darn Robin! How the hell am I supposed to finish hammering this shit into my head? It's not my fault that my cranium was too small to fill it with all this fucked-up mess…There is NO way that I will EVER be able to get this finished in time…I'm just gonna be another godforsaken kid on the streets again…

She rolled over on her stomach, laid her sweaty forehead on the cold metal floors and muffled out a dull, exasperated moan, "I'm going to fail…"

The shadow of the stack of information fluttered a little, as if the papers were teetering, but nothing stirred, and the shadow just kept wrinkling and darkening, as if it were being rinsed or wrung of water.

Just then the door clicked, opened, and revealed Cyborg and Starfire. 

Marie raised her head, and asked, "What are you two doing here? Are you going to lecture me on how to properly throw a dart?" 

Cyborg cocked an eyebrow, "What're you talkin' 'bout?" Starfire played along and feigned surprise. 

"I know Robin told you. He gets all pissed, and whenever he walks past you, he's got the reason written plain on his face. It's all too obvious that you know."

"Alright. Yeah. He was pissed for you dissin' him, so he's all sulky now. And yeah, we also know why his attitude is all fucked up. And no, we're not here to lecture, we're here to help you cheat."

Marie's eyes widened, and she sat up on her knees. "No, seriously, as in, CHEAT?! On THE Test?! Help MOI?! For REAL?!?!?!" Her optimism was suddenly quelled by a sneaking suspicion and a rising doubt, "Or are you just messin' with me?" her eyes were thin. 

Cyborg gave a rolling hoot of laughter and turned back to her, "No, shortie, we only helpin' you cheat, nothin' more."

Finally, Starfire piped up, "And how are we to go about assisting our comrade in the defrauding of this examination?"

"Simple. Hey, Rae, you can come out now!" Cyborg called around the room, but to no avail, as there was no intelligible response. 

So, he tried again, "Ray-_VEHN!!!_ Yo! I know you're in here, Dark Girl! I ain't playin', we know you haven't been in your room! Get yo ass ova hur!" 

Raven finally materialized from the shadow of the pile, her mouth pursed in a disgusted frown, "I do not appreciate you telling my ass what to do." 

Starfire gasped. Both Cyborg _and_ Friend Raven had used the A-word! Oh! Robin would not be happy to hear about this! 

"Alright, no time for salutations, I need y'all to gather 'round, cuz I got a plan…" 

The four huddled in a tight circle, while Cyborg made wild gestures in the air. From time to time, he would point to each individual member of the connivers, and give them instructions. Overall, he received several stunned stares and outraged complaints. 

When they finally disengaged from their scheming, Marie was still dubious as to the success-rate of the actual mission. "Do you think it'll actually work?"

"Of course it'll work! Why ya think I have ten times as many neurons as you do?!" Cyborg defended his so-called "brilliant" plot. 

"Yes, but it's been proven that people use only 1/10 of the brain. I suppose that 1/20 of your cells are brain-dead from all those useless video games. Therefore, your plan is only 1/20 brilliant, and 19/20 insanely stupid."

Cyborg gritted his teeth, "Oh yeah? Well I reckon all those gassy candles and incense get you high all the time! That's why you float when you meditate!"

"Friends! Let us instill tranquility into our souls! Perhaps it is more proper to depart and have time to freeze over…"

"You mean cool down?" Marie rolled her eyes. When it came to slang, Starfire could never get the lingo down. 

"Yeah, let's split, y'all. If Robin finds out, he'll go ballistic. Beast Boy's pissed at Raven for doing a number on his cock, and Terra's pissed at Raven for sweatin' on her man. So, there's no way any of them will help if Raven's helping…"

For some reason, Raven's leer got even leery-er at the mention of Terra's "man."

Marie watched her, rather amused at this show of hostile emotions. 

The Titans sneaked out of the MCCR, nodded to each other, and went their separate ways. Starfire went back to her room, Cyborg went down to the Living Room to try to beat Beast Boy's butt on the PS2, and Raven took the stairs up to the roof. Marie followed her. 

As Raven reached the door, she turned around to face Marie. "What do you want?"

"Well, wasn't that question a little pointed? I just wanna hang, that's all."

"If you want to hang, go find the gallows. Other than that, I have nothing else to say to you." Raven touched the plasma-pad, and the door swung open automatically.

__

Wow…isn't she harsh? I wonder why? We were almost friends before…Maybe it's Terra? Or Beast Boy? Oh, the hell! I'm going to find out why she's all seclusive alluva sudden…

Marie stood behind Raven and tapped her on the shoulder.

It was evident that Raven did not enjoy being disturbed, judging from the looks of the stifling glare she gave a startled Marie. 

"Ahem…uhm…can I join you?" Marie gave a nervous smile, and half-bit her lip in apprehension. 

__

Is she going to blow me up?! I didn't do anything! I swear I didn't, I only asked her a question, and it wasn't a pointless question either!

Raven eyed her, for the sixth time that day, and softly patted the ground beside her. 

She silently gestured for Marie to sit down and indicated the proper Lotus Position she was to assume. 

Marie felt her legs cramp as they sat there. _Robin was right about the training thing…_

__

Yes, he was. Raven thought.

__

Oh, shut-up! I know my body compo isn't the best in the world, but hey, you have to admit that I know how to kick some Titan ass.

Not mine. 

Alright! Not yours, I never succeeded in kicking your ass, but I got the others pretty good.

Actually, they were only disorganized. The sight of a little girl inhabiting Terra's old room came as a sort of shock to them, I'll have you know. 

Oh yeah, about Terra…Why is she even here? I mean, how is it that she can just stay here for any old reason?

You tell me. 

What?

After all, you are the reason she is remaining here. 

And just what ARE you trying to get at here? If you hate me for one little thing, why not just cuss me out now and get it over with? I mean it's POINTLESS to keep your emotions hidden. 

Oh really? You think it's pointless to risk your friends' lives all for the sake of a temper?

I'm lost here.

Yes, you generally are. 

*Tch* Raven, come ON!

I'm even beginning to speculate that you might be related to Beast Boy. How quaint.

Yes, I like to think that you would enjoy having me for a sister-in-law… Marie let the last thought sink in, and flipped an eyelid to watch the change in Raven's face. But it remained cold and insensitive, as always. The only change came in the form of a menacing voice inside of her head.

__

What's that supposed to mean?!?!?! The voice hissed. 

Wow, Raven, and I was under the impression that I was the only one to be lost. Yeah, I'm beginning to think that you're related to Beast Boy, too…By matrimonial standards, of course…

__

How dare you?!

Hmm? How dare YOU? Well, yeah, I suppose that you would dare to lap-dance with Beast Boy if the opportunity came upon you. Of course, there are your emotions to worry about. You might just blow his cock to smithereens if you're not careful. But then there's always protection from condoms. Maybe you and him should hitch a ride to the store to see if they have some that protect against telepathic orgasm waves. Heck! You can even become a professional circumcisor when you're old enough! I mean, the sight of ANYone's dick would be enough to slice it off for me…or, in your case, blow it off…

I think that there is a word for people like you. 

Oh really, and what would that be?

Perverted.

Well, I like to think of it as more of a dirty mind thing. Of course, I'm only talking freaky for your own good.

Yes, and I'd be much obliged if you'd shut-up for YOUR own good. 

Hooker

Shut-up

Wench! 

Shut-up!

Hussy!!

Shut-UP!!

Freakaleak!!!

After this, the mental link was disconnected, and Raven stood up, giving Marie and icy glare as she stalked off of the roof and over the edge—I mean, stalked towards the stairwell. 

Marie gave a rather simpering sigh and marched after her towards the devil's lair, otherwise known as her room, only with Terra as a roommate. There was a lot of stuff she would have to discuss with herself…

*******

A.N.: Woooooo!!! Raven luvs Beast Boy! Okay, sorry to CC, who is an avid Rave&Rob fan, but this one's for Rave/Beast and Star/Rob! 

But there is good news for you, too, my friend! Because once I finish this fic, I'll be free to write as many as I want, and I have about three well-developed ideas, including a Horror/Humor/Suspense/Drama/Adventure/Romance for Raven and Robin! And when this is done, (which will probably take forever), I will start right into that, and I hope that you will put it on your favorite stories list!

Lynn, yes, I am unduly sorry! I broke the deal! You are the witness! I will be convicted on the charge of breach of contract! WOW!!! My first felony!!! ^_^

Next chapter, Marie has a little talk with herself. It will be one of my shorter chapters, more like a mental editorial from her point of view, but w/e. And I promise that I will try hard not to get sucked into a worm hole, as long as I have reviewers to pull me back!!!

Peace out ppl. 


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